After finishing work, I went along to the hospital for my results. In all honesty, part of me knew what the outcome was going to be, given the severity of my symptoms and the size of the lump.
I walked into the consultant's office and there was another nurse in there but wearing purple. Her id badge was in a Macmillan clip and I knew immediately that it was some form of cancer. After talking through the next stages (surgery and RAI), I was taken away by Lynne to talk everything over and talk through my options.
I think I was just very numb for the next hour, either because I had prepared myself, or because I was just relieved that I had an answer for why I had been so ill for so long. I was given my folder of information, a DVD and other bits and pieces. I was told my social worker would be in touch and I went off to have bits done for my next op.
I met Fraser at work and cried with him before going home and sitting watching TV. I didnt honestly know what to do. I spoke to mum who was very sad and I went about making dinner as normal. I didnt really set in until that evening, but even then I didn't feel as if I really had cancer. Its the most crazy feeling and I cant explain it. Maybe because i'm young or because everything has moved so quickly.
I met with Mel my social worker later that week who said she was surprised at how level headed and calm I was. I should mention that on the day I returned from the surgery, our landlord decided to tell us he had found someone to take the house and claimed he had given us notice. All lies and yay more stress.
So I waited for the next surgery date and packed up the house in preparation for the move.
