Things aren't better. Went for my radio appointment yesterday was in tears nearly the whole time. Played golf today was enjoying it too, playing really well but then went really tired. First sign of it catching up with me. Just about finished with a decent score which was a bonus. Had lunch then went to the bank, then to the pub where I am starting working tomorrow then to radio. Feet were agony as usual and now my knees too. Picked my son up from his nan's (Dad's mum) and went back to the Hell hole. Had clothes thrown at me, neither of them are speaking to me. My son went out with one of his friends then came back and shouted that they were going to play in the garage. I said ok then I hear my mum saying 'that's our garage'. Honestly there has never been a problem before. Then I could hear her accusing them of throwing things in the canal just because she heard a splash and they hadn't. So I've been in bed since about 6.45. In a fair bit of pain, no dinner cos I daren't use anything. Put the lottery on though so you never know I might actually get some luck. Yeah right.
You know everyone is still telling me how amazing I am and how much they love me and think I have dealt with everything with such a great attitude but I'm heartbroken. I want to scream at them. I told a couple of my mates what is going on and they can't get their heads around how they can treat me like this. I want to say have I not been through enough. But if I start I will crack up I don't think I will be able to stop. Just got the most stupid response then too, shut bedroom door carefully got 'be careful shutting that door' shouted back 'that's why I shut it slowly' then got 'yerrrryeryerrr yer yerrrrr'. Really grown up 68 year old that one. I actually feel full of violence just hearing their voices makes me want to combust right now. I don't know if I said this in my last post but I have to deal with this everyday, the after effects, my reflection, they wake up in their owned house. They play golf, they go shopping they go out in their nice cars they have everything they want. I just want them to be civil to me. I never ask them for anything. I go to appointments on my own. My mum didn't come to a chemo appointment cos she wanted to play Bridge. My Dad just thrives on her having a go at me cos it deflects from all the things that wind her up about him. Tempted to go and get a bottle of something but am in my Minion Pyjamas and it's not a good look when you are a size 16 wearing size 14 clothes!
Other than the 2 mates and my son the only people that know I'm not happy are anyone that's read this, and probably thought I need to man up or something. I've always been the one to be there for people and I can't even properly open up to the friends who have been there throughout everything in my life and I don't want to be seen as not coping. I want to keep up the Wonder Woman image even though I'm using my cape to dry my eyes at the moment
