It's been a week now since my op. I'd sort of been doing ok, but I feel so absolutely low now.
I found out that the second day after my op my Mum had a fall at home and she got taken into hospital by ambulance (she was let out the next day). She made my brother promise not to tell me as she was concerned about worrying me when I was only just out of hospital myself. My brother lives at home with my Mum and is not well himself - I believe that he has Aspergers syndrome but he has never been diagnosed. In some ways it is turning out to be a blessing that Mum got taken into hospital as she has already had social services come round to check on the house and plans are being made to help her get around. She is going to get a balance test at hospital soon too. She has the shakes and we have been worrying about that as it is getting worse, but she always says to the doctor that she feels fine!
My brother was supposed to have colonoscopy and endoscopy on the morning after my Mum was admitted to hospital. That had to be cancelled and he is now waiting for a new appointment. He had already had a CT scan at the beginning of the week. So we are waiting on his results. He has had a lot of pain for a long time now. I don't want anything to be found, but on the other hand if it is then something hopefully can be done to treat it.
I went to see my Mum and brother at the weekend. She is a 3 hour drive away - I hasten to add I didn't drive! It was fantastic to see them both. We stayed long enough for me and Mum to watch Strictly Come Dancing together, a show that we both love. We reminisced over my Dad too, as it was a standing joke each year that I would call him to let him know Strictly was starting on telly again soon and he would groan and say what a load of rubbish it was. I've missed doing that this year since Dad passed away in Feb.
After such a fantastic day on Saturday I couldn't understand why I now feel so low. I keep seeing stuff everywhere about breast cancer and people dying from it. I know it's Breast Cancer Awareness month, but it is so doing my head in. I guess I haven't really had time to process what I'm going through especially as I am so worried about my Mum and my brother. And this waiting for results again - I hate this!! I just keep hoping that I don't have to have more surgery. I am reconciled to the fact that I have to have radiotherapy, but more surgery would be such a let down. And if I have to have chemo I think I will go into total meltdown. Although in reality I know I will just have to get on with whatever hand I a dealt with. Maybe my 'buzz' will be back by tomorrow...
