Hi. It’s me again. Apologies for not updating sooner but unfortunately (or should that be fortunately) life has got in the way.
First of all, let me update you on my annual walking weekend in Derbyshire. Well I went on the weekend but I didn’t do the 10 miles that the others did. My fitness levels are through the floor at the moment. Getting better, I no longer need to rest after getting dressed and I’m trying to ensure I do some exercise each day. It’s been difficult for the past few days due to the heat. But I’m sure I’m not the only one suffering. In fact the heat is the reason I’m writing this at half one in the morning.
As I’ve said previously both bouts of surgery have been successful in removing all the visible cancer. My latest set of scans showed nothing and the histology from both operations showed good margins. But my oncologist has suggested an additional 3 months of chemo to mop up any stray cancer cells. Now whether this is standard practice or just a concern that she has I’ve agreed to go along with it. The way I look at it is that it’s just another step on my journey and that the medical staff have my best interests at heart.
The chemo in question is Capecitabine tablets only. I had these on my first chemo regime and got along fine. So no visits to the newly refurbished chemo suite at Northampton General and no IV. I’ve just completed cycle 1 with no noticeable side effects. I’ll need a blood test on Friday and I’ve got appointments with my oncologist and the pharmacy next Wednesday and we start again.
I have often thought about the extensive treatment I have received over the past year. Chemotherapy, surgery and a number of permanent changes to the way I have to live. Plus all the stress and emotional pressures not just on me but on those that love me and have supported me during this time.
I sometimes meet people who I haven’t seen for a while who are aware of what has happened to me and it’s wonderful to hear them say ‘You’re looking well’. And I will admit that losing 3 stone has made me look better (None of my clothes fit though). Also I’ve virtually stopped drinking. I still do have the occasional beer or glass of wine (I did have a Pimm’s at a BBQ on Sunday, well it was Father’s Day) but nowhere near what I used to guzzle on an all too frequent occasion.
But how do I really feel.
I still have neuropathy in my fingers and the soles of my feet. This may go or it might not. It’s something that I have accepted and life goes on. The two major operations have caused some nerve damage to my bladder so I have overflow incontinence. This is fine during the day, I ensure I empty what I can on a regular basis but at night It’s a question of plenty of pads. Not ideal and it does disturb my sleep. If I wake during the night I’ll pay a visit to the toilet rather than just turning over and going back to sleep. I have been referred to the consultant Urologist but my appointment is not until the end of July. So until then we’ll just have to see. The bladder issue did cause some problems soon after my discharge from hospital when I developed a rather nasty UTI. After 4 weeks and 3 different anti-biotics this was finally resolved.
I’m getting random pains in my bottom, nothing major but I do notice if I’ve been sitting in the same position for too long. Not good on long car journeys.
Having my stoma (Beryl) has not been an issue. In fact my diet has hardly changed. I eat all the foods that I’m not supposed too (sweetcorn, brown bread, salad, fruit with the skins on). But as I sat there peeling a pear I decided that life was too short for peeling fruit. Yes, there are consequences with some of the foods in terms of their effect on my ‘output’ and I might need to empty on a more regular basis but I look upon Beryl as part of my cure and not as part of my illness. I take very little Loperamide (Imodium) just one 2 mg tablet half an hour before I eat which seems to have the desired effect. I have learnt of the need to ensure that all food is thoroughly chewed and a meal does take a lot longer to finish. My appetite is not what it was and I do have smaller meals which in itself is no bad thing but I do ensure that I have 3 meals each day.
I do have my dark days feeling sorry for myself and I’ll admit I have found myself in floods of tears but it soon passes and I remember how grateful I am for this life. The tragic events of recent weeks have certainly focussed me on living. We never know what’s around the corner.
However, even with these ‘problems’ I will always answer the question ‘How are you feeling?’ with the answer ‘I’m fine’. And I am. When I consider those dark scary days of this time last year I am fine. My life is very different but I’m still here enjoying life. My eldest son, Ben, got married a few weeks back. We had an absolutely fantastic day and I remembered when I was first diagnosed how determined I was to be there. Also I’m going on holiday in two weeks’ . The Greek island of Kos where it’s about 36c so this current weather is a bit of a practice. It’ll be the first time I’ve flown with Beryl so I’m hoping she behaves. I’ve been signed off from work until mid-July so I’ll need to start thing about my return. I have honestly missed it. There’s only so much daytime tv anyone can take and thankfully all the election nonsense is finished. I’ve not really had the energy until recently to work the allotment but It’s getting there. Loads of strawberries and raspberries and I think I might be self-sufficient in potatoes.
Well it’s nearly 3 in the morning and Beryl’s making some very odd noises so I think I’ll try to get some sleep.
Take care.
