I finished my forth cycle of chemo 12 days ago. The idea all along was to have the four cycles of Capox and then rescan to see if the tumours on my rectum and liver had shrunk enough for surgery to go ahead.
I finally had my scans today (MRI and CT). All has gone well but why oh why does the fluid I needed to take (1 litre of the stuff) have to taste of aniseed. I can't believe that the manufacturers think aniseed is that popular, perhaps I'm wrong.
In the past 2 weeks I've been to another music festival and a beer festival. Both not the best of ideas as I've been so tired but both what I have done pre cancer and I was determined to go to both. I may have to have a rethink next year.
My fourth cycle of chemo was hard going compared with the previous 3. but I got through it.
Since I completed my chemo I've been a bit of a mess. Lots of 'what happens next' questions going through my head and no answers. Just a multitude of scenarios ranging from the positive (all systems go for surgery) to the very dark (that my cancer has spread and is inoperable). My mood swings are getting worse. I'm fine one minute and the next completely unbearable. There are times when I'm in floods of tears with the slightest thing setting me off. I can't listen to music on the radio in case a song sets me off again.
I've also have times when I think that the chemo hasn't worked and I'm back to square 1. I still get the feeling that if I go to the toilet that the World will fall out of my bottom. And after lots of huffing and puffing only the Isle of Man drops out and I have to go through the same routine half an hour later. I'm also experiencing pain again after each bowel movement.
I'm constantly reminding myself that I need to be positive. Not just for me but for all the friends and family that have been such a great support.
Still today was another step forward. My scans will be discussed at the MDT meeting on Thursday morning and I have an appointment with my oncologist on Thursday afternoon.
We'll see what happens then.
