It's been two days since we've had the prognosis on mum. I saw her today, we did alms shopping with my nan and it was lovely.
Watching her struggle to walk and becoming short of breath was really hard.
We sat down for a coffee and conversion turned to the big C, she has to go to hospital Tuesday for another scan to then make a mask for her radiotherapy points.
I found the courage today to ask her a question that had been bugging me.
"Do Drs always say 6 months to cancer patients?"
Mum said that they wouldn't give her a best case scenario only worst case. I asked her then if that means after treatment if it works, she could still live for 20 years.
She said no. She is going to die. The cancer in her brain will kill her. She is dieing.
Again the wave of sickness and anger took over me! There are no words that you can say to your mum when she looks you in the eye and says she's going to die, possibly before her next birthday.
Hearing her say she's bought the rest of this years birthday cards for everyone is truly heartbreaking!
She's explained the care she is going to receive is palliative and to prolong her life that little bit more.
She's still so healthy, apart from the side effects of the steroids she's absolutely fine! The radiotherapy is going to make her more unwell than the cancer is currently. Is it even worth the treatment? If she's not unwell is it worth putting her through it if she's ultimately going to die from it anyway?
The other question I have but in too scared to ask, is incurable cancer the same as terminal cancer? Or does it become terminal when/if the treatment fails? I don't like the thought of her having terminal cancer. I don't like the thought of any of this.
I'm still determined to help her fight this. I won't let her give up. It's all I can really do.
