"Hi dad"
"Are you ok?"
"Do you want me to tell Matthew?"
<<rewind>>
"I think you should sit down. Your dad's been rushed to hospital, he's got a brain tumour"
I phoned him straight away. I expected him to sound different. To be different. I was nervous as the phone started to ring. Is he ok? How is he coping with the news? Is he scared?
He sounded fine, like he'd just been told he had a slight infection that a course of antibiotics could sort right out. But then, that's just my dad, always calm in a crisis.
What's the point in worry? If we can do something about it then we will, no point worrying. If we can't do anything about it, no amount of worrying will change that.
Wise words my dad always shared when I was getting myself worked up. I wish I could say I lived by the mantra, I always come back to it and I'm getting better but it has been said that I'm a bit of a flapper under stress.
Dad said he'd call Matthew, my younger brother, to let him know. He wanted it to come from him.
I drove up to my mums. She's only a few minutes away but I've driven more sensibly on Grand Theft Auto. I just needed to get to her. I asked dad to tell Matthew to meet me there.
Memory is a funny old thing isn't it. Did I give my mum a heads up before crashing through the door with my bombshell? Did I tell her everything when I got there, or did I wait for my brother to arrive? What was everyone else's reaction to the news? How long was I there for? How did I get home afterwards? I remember one thing; she insisted that my dad would be ok. Russell Watson had a brain tumour twice and he's fine and dandy she told me.
You'd think the day that cancer shattered my world would be imprinted on my memory. I had a Google to see if I could find an explanation for my missing memories. I didn't find answers but I did find this: memory is always faulty, emotions are always true. I may not remember the details of that evening, or much of the year whilst my dad was ill, but my emotions are clear. My memories of how I felt are still with me. And how I still feel about it today gets me out of bed in the morning.
