Only the best dads get promoted to granddad I was informed by a novelty coaster a couple of weeks ago.
Delete.
Delete.
Delete.
Pizza Express 2 courses for £9.95. Keep.
Delete.
Delete.
It’s my fifth Fathers’ Day since I lost my dad so the email onslaught from late May telling me dad’s special and I should treat him comes as no surprise now. I swipe left to delete and barely give them a second thought. But now social media has got in on the act with images of gifts infiltrating my Facebook timeline from companies peddling their Fathers’ Day wares. Only the best dads get promoted to granddad was like a punch to the stomach. Don’t get me wrong, I see the sentiment and I truly wish I could gift this to my dad. But I can’t. It’s a visual reminder of one of my ultimate heartaches, I’ll never be able to make my dad a granddad. So is he not one of the best? Is he not worthy of such a promotion? Why can’t I change a setting on Facebook to say I’ve lost my dad and I would prefer not to be reminded of the days we can no longer celebrate together?
There are hurdles throughout the year: his birthday, the date of his diagnosis, the day we lost him and so many more. All of them reminders of the dad shaped hole in all of our lives. And then there are the everyday things: a song on the radio, watching a film he would have loved, finding yourself doing something he would have done. You develop coping mechanisms. The dad-isms once again become something that makes you smile. But then Fathers Day comes. You know its just another day thought up by greeting card companies so why does it hurt so much?
I’m not even sure how to put it in to words. It hurts because it’s a day we all share. If I’m completely honest, it hurts because I’m jealous. I can write a Facebook post in tribute to the world’s best dad just like you can. I can post photos of me and my dad too. I can even buy a card and write heartfelt sentiments in it to him. But that post he’s tagged in he can’t read himself and that photo I post you’ve seen countless times over the years because I can’t take new ones. And that card I wrote will go with the others, all unread.
This morning I took a bunch of Sweet Williams to my own sweet William and sat in the long grass surrounding Papa Oak. With a slight breeze and birds singing I sat peacefully taking in the moment, talking to him just as I always did, asking questions only able to imagine his answers.
I spent the rest of the day with my step dad. I know how truly blessed I have been to have two irreplaceable father figures in my life. With his ill health, I fear for Fathers’ Days to come but for now he’s still here. And while he’s still here I hope that he feels celebrated and treasured every day.
Fathers’ Day is a hallmark day that falls once a year, but every day should be Fathers’ Day, and Mothers’ Day too. Don’t wait for the hallmark days, show your parents, your siblings, your family and your friends what they mean to you today and in the ‘everydays’.
