It's been a while. My head is fucked. I can't see through the tears and the darkness. I have messed up so much recently, thinking I am better and more able than I am. I'm not.
I still haven't been able to find work. I am relying on others and I feel their patience is running thin. I hate this - I have no use, no purpose, no reason to live. My car has been in the garage for a month and will cost more than I have, so once again I am relying on others. I feel so guilty. Is there any point in me being alive? Doesn't feel like it.
My family does not understand, with some even having a go at me when I've told them I'm suicidal. I can't help it. Being angry at me will make me more likely to do it as it makes me think I am even more alone. Nobody has time for me, or time to deal with me and my problems.
I'm not going to be here much longer. Nobody is helping or taking me seriously. I feel ill.
