So I realised I hadn't posted in a while - It was my release while I was having a really tough time emotionally and totally helped me get lots of my feeling out and down on paper and I guess recently I haven't felt the need to post cause everything is good but actually why wouldn't I want to share that so here are some of my thoughts and what’s been going on in my life...
Just over two years ago I was given my very first cancer diagnosis.... Oh how things can change in two years.
I've had two major operations, radiotherapy, I got married and had surgery 2 weeks later, moved house, changed job, got a kitten, was the face of my local Maggie’s Centre in a newspaper article and much much more.
It’s safe to say cancer changes everyone’s life and I never thought I would say this however it’s absolutely changed my life for the better. Yes I worry a bit more about my health (that can't be a bad thing - More people need to) however everything else has completely changed and my outlook on life and the little things it can throw at you is so different. I have talked in one of my previous blogs about the 'New Normal' and I can honestly say my 'New Normal' is just amazing.
As yet I've not had the 'all clear' and as a thyroid cancer patient I'm pretty sure that’s not something that happens fast - I have however had one positive thyroglobulin test and I had a blood check last week so awaiting the results of this but I'm actually pretty calm about it - I feel like anything else that ever happens I will be able to handle and I for the first time have a good feeling about this test. It’s funny because the last time I got a good result it was like I couldn't quite believe it and I was scared to tell anyone in case it was wrong but this time I’ll absolutely be celebrating and shouting about it because what more could I ask for after years of 'bad news'.
It's the first time in a while that I've had a break from constant appointments and when I say a break I mean like 6 weeks but that feels like a big deal and it was actually really nice to not spend most of my time in waiting rooms. My first surgeon met with me and offered me further surgery to make my scars look better - I have a skin condition called keloids which means instead of my scars looking like lovely little white lines they are raised very red lumps - being a female these are visible all the time - right across my neck to the back of my right ear and then right down my cleavage. Deep down they bother me a tiny bit - It’s the people staring that bothers me but I am proud of them and actually I'd rather never have to have surgery again unless it’s essential but really nice of him to offer. Finally feels like people are concerned about me now and me as a person rather than my cancer. Also I have an appointment with a geneticist coming up as I'm really keen to understand my future chances and also if I want to start a family how will my journey impact that so this feels like a really positive step in my journey as well and its looking forward which makes me happy.
I'm doing all the things I haven't done or enjoyed for years, I'm booking holidays - Yes we are finally having our honeymoon a year later but who cares because I'm lucky enough to be able to go! We’re not long back from Barcelona and I’m off to Iceland with a friend in November. My sister is getting married in a few weeks and I am her bridesmaid and I am so excited – Can’t wait to be part of her special day!!Funny we were at the dress maker last week for some alterations and she must have just assumed I wanted to hear it but she said ‘This dress is lovely and it will cover those scars of yours perfectly.’ I was a bit chocked so just agreed with her, she wasn’t to know, and she obviously wouldn’t have them on show if it was her body but hey everyone is different. I wear all of the clothes I used to wear; I’m not wearing a turtle neck to make other people feel less awkward. I'm doing things to make me happy and improve me - I'm getting braces fitted on my teeth - Might not seem like a big deal but it’s a big deal to me to do something to my body that’s in my own control and it’s to make me feel better not because I have to.
I will never forget my journey but I finally feel like I am moving on from it and living life to the full – That’s such a cheesy thing to say and don’t get me wrong I’m not the happiest person every day and I still moan about things however I do try my hardest to make the most of everything. If I want to do something I do it, if I want to go somewhere I go and if I want something I buy it – Just like my new Mulberry handbag and purse (don’t tell Sandy how much that cost).
I am much more open to talking about my journey and if this helps others then that’s great – I attended the ‘Where Now’ course at my local Maggies Centre and recently I was asked if I would appear in the local paper to talk about the course, I was nervous about people seeing it but you know what I’m moving on so why dwell and hide it. I am proud of how far I have come so if anyone would like to have a look at the article and find out more about the course which I would 100% recommend then please have a read on the link below…
http://m.fifetoday.co.uk/what-s-on/leisure-time/getting-back-on-track-with-maggie-s-fife-1-4161543
Lots of Love & Happiness
Jena xxx
A picture from our most recent holiday in Barcelona :). As you can see my scars arent the easiest to cover up - Not that I want to but the stares arent nice...
