What do I do now

Hello miss Piggy 74

So sorry you're feeling like this .

Can you share ? Having Cancer stinks full stop but is it anything in particular? Maybe something can be done to help ?

Sending lots of love

Connie

No amount of words can describe the feeling you have to tell you “we have you’re results, you have cancer again” I thought after 2 other forms of cancer that there couldn’t be any other forms of cancer that life could throw at me, obviously not if it was crappy enough to deal with cervical, bowel I now have a cancerous tumour on my duodenum. I thought I could handle it, I have had to, since my beautiful husband took one look at me, on my second round of chemo and said I’m sorry I can’t do this and literally got up and walked out on me and the children. My daughter then was 15 and my son 9. She had to grow up quickly to look after me and her brother which I regret that everyday that she had to do that. I feel completely lost, like all of this is completely out of my control. I’m so frustrated that I just want to smash the place up, but the only reason I don’t is because it would have to be me to clear it up, so there is t any point. I look at others and find my self jealous because I see that they have support and love from the friends and especially their husbands or wives to get them through. Who worries about me, a question that will never be answered. Which way or which door to pick to decide my fate

hello miss piggy 74...be assured that i and many others care about you and hope that you find the strength to plod on with treatment options avaiable to you. All of us on here will always do their best to be a shoulder to lean on ..its not the same as a massive cuddle in real life i grant you but we are here. i have had to manage on my own throughout except for breast support group once every two months for couple hours. my family did a runner when i told them ..and few people understand the fear and utter frustration of it all..."oh you look well"and "all better now"they say...its only us on here that truly understand. sending love and hugs.

Hi ,

I am sorry you feel unsupported . If you were near by I would put the kettle on and banish that thought . However we are here and listening and you matter to us .

I previously worked as a community Occupational therapist and one of my life lessons as a much younger person was that so many people can not face illness . I was totally unprepared for that . Even although they had good relationships and often a good life  together one person was unable to face it . Terribly sad indeed .

Thinking of you,

Court 

hello,

I understand so well how you are feeling. Even with 2 sons who try hard although they are busy, I feel terrified sometimes of the whole process. My appointment was overlooked for radiotherapy, so it has been 14 weeks after surgery and I am just this week about to start..perhaps too late. The only things that have helped me is to keep busy even when you just want to curl up. Whenever possible try to be with people..just their presence in a shopping mall can be a comfort. I went to Maggies Centre for the first time last week and they were so warm and welcoming,there are other people to talk to and if you tell them how you feel they will try to help

. I am reading a buddhist book called FEAR by Thich Nhat Hanh which is warm ,understanding, beautifully written, and explains what Fear is and how to handle it and feel yourself again. It may not be for everyone, but buddhists don't believe in death ..very reassuring.

More than anything we need to feel loved. I had two lovely husbands who both died of cancer so live alone now. If your husband walked out it is his problem that he can't man up. You have the company and love of your children. No empty house. I am going to ask my G.P for a mild anti depressant, and am taking Kalms which are herbal, just so that I can speak to people without losing it. 

The fantastic Macmillan site is there for you, See if there is a Maggies in your area..We are all with you. We do understand. You will get better days ..and sometimes i think one of my husband's is walking beside me..so perhaps we all have a Guardian Angel.

Much love..calador