A conversation at 2am
Wife: “Give me that.“ (holds up her hand, thumb and index finger spread indicating something about 4” in size)
Hubby: “What’s ‘that’?”
Wife: “That!“ (holds up hand again, shaking it at me)
Hubby: “Give me a clue”
Wife: [Annoyance in voice] “That!”
Hubby: “Food?”
Wife: “No.” (shakes head)
Hubby: “Drink?”
Wife: “The pink thing. my ladies got it me.”
Hubby: “Pink? When? Yesterday? What pink thing?”
Wife: [Exasperated] “Last four years” (holds up 2 fingers) “four years!”
Hubby: “A pink thing some ladies have got for you for 4 years?” (I’m lost)
Wife: “Yes. THAT.”
Hubby: “Is it a drink?”
Wife: [Exasperated] “YES.”
Hubby: “A drink. A pink drink. You’ve had for four years. Ladies gave it to you. hmm. Wine? You want wine?” (she has stopped drinking alcohol)
Wife: [Exasperated] “NO.”
Hubby: “Not wine. But a pink drink. (thinks) J20?”
Wife: [Smiles] “YES. THAT.”
Hubby: “But you only started drinking that last week.”
Wife: “Yes. I want THAT. I want it now. You’re f*&^% useless. Such a lazy git. You do nothing.”
Hubby: (wandering how the insults and swear words come out so eloquently when all the useful stuff is trapped in her head) “OK. But we haven’t got any. I didn’t know that’s what you wanted. Do you want me to go out and buy some?” (I think Tesco’s open 24 hrs)
Wife: [Angry now] “Useless. Lazy. I want it now.”
Hubby: “OK. OK. I’ll see what’s in the fridge. (Find orange in the fridge. Makes a cup of tea. 10 min. passes. returns to wife) Try this.”
Wife: (tries the orange) “Not this!” (angry again)
Hubby: “Made you tea, fancy that?”
Wife: [smiling] “Yes I’ll have tea. Oh you’re a lovely man. I do love you.”
Hubby: [smiling] “I love you too.”
