Hi everyone.anyone eh!!.My so loved sis died in June this year 2018. Comfortably in St Leonard's hospital York.What an oasis in the life that all there either facing final time of life or in for respite care.Sis did manage to come home for a while and I had time with her as she slowly slept and held my hand. Finally the care needed was provided.After the disastrous time previously I was dreading needing help but this time it was good.We had night sitters and wonderful Macmillan nurses,oh the care and support made it possible for us I mean me really to have moments with sis I will always remember and be so grateful for. I hope other carers are as lucky as I felt I was. But now the horrible times are back again and I am so sick of it so down I wonder really what I can take again. My brother has been fighting cancer the past two years. The same skin cancer type as my Sis. He had skin cancer start as an an ulcer like spot on his face and it became a total blood filled mass within a week.He had a major op last December 2017, same time my sis was dying. Removed most of his lymph glands on left side of his neck.From his ear to his collar bone his skin was peeled away and as much cancerous mass was remove, But no clear margins could be given.Now in October 2018 he has cancer in both lungs and his windpipe.Same type of skin cancer. So cruel so heartbreaking. He is like my sis such a positive person, no real breaking down no real tears just accepting of the inevitable.He is having 2 rounds of radiation and has been given a fortnight of steroids to help with the truly dreadful cough he now has, But that's it 6 to 9 months left say consultants. Macmillan nurse and district nurses are going to call now. I feel like I am facing groundhog day time and time again. My partner cannot drive me as he has leg in plaster until December. My brothers wife has just had a hip replacement and is still recovering. Again I am the one it seems to be there.I am not complaining just wanting to somehow find the strength to be there.I feel so heartbroken. ALL that I love are suddenly going. My lovely son is seeing a heart specialist in two weeks time. He may have a rare heart defect for which there is no cure. Hope that he is given the all clear but waiting for results tests etc is truly hard. Wonder why I am really writing this but I suppose its a way of letting go of the tightness that grips me and holds me.Anyway that's enough moaning for now. .Writing down my thoughts is so therapeutic,I do feel a bit of release.
