Confused

Hi,

I'm really sorry that you have been through so much, you seem to have had such a tough time for someone of your age. You have made great leaps by acknowledging what you are feeling and by being able to share your thoughts, even anonymously, that's brave if you ask me.

And to work through treatment, I take my hat off to you!

I'm 36 and I had a hysterectomy for womb cancer in August last year and didn't have any other treatment but I can relate to what you are feeling, I'm knackered all the time (and I had 3 months off work). I'm also having lots of downs but I've managed to access counselling from a local charity and my work have a free counselling service too, I'm only a few weeks in but it has been helpful. The Macmillan helpline 0808 808 0000 should be able to put you in touch with local support, or you could speak to your gp? You can call the samaritans for a chat anytime 24/7 on 116 123.

You can call yourself a cancer survivor, that's what you are, and please don't feel judged. I'm a bit critical of myself and get anxious and I'm starting to realise that my biggest problem is me and doubting myself and putting myself down, no one else is telling me they have issues. maybe you could try to be kind to yourself too and give yourself a break, you are getting along as best you can and you have come through a big ordeal, I read somewhere that about half of people who finish treatment and get the all clear struggle to cope.

If you want to chat to people who know what you are going through you can join the Life after cancer group.

Lots of love and please let me know how you are getting on

Xxx

Hi Arla, 

Thank you so much for not only taking the time to read but to also reply. Your kind words are so generous. It sounds like you've been through a lot, still very young as well! I hope you are starting to feel a bit better. You're right, kindness is the key - it's just a very difficult thing to learn! (To be kind to myself that is). I have tried getting help, but I think the main hurdle I need to overcome is accepting I deserve the help. Right now I don't think I do, I talk to people (psychiatrist etc) but I give up and bottle up and tell them I'm okay. I suppose the majority of me feels I would rather help others than myself. 

Again, thank you for your support. It does mean a lot to me and I hope you are making sure to get help when you need it. I honestly hope you feel better, I'm here if you need to let off some steam (although I totally understand if you wouldn't want to). Take care xxx 

Good morning  ,

i totally agree with Arla she has given you some great advice. Please feel free to join us in the life after cancer there are lots of us going through different things and it’s ok to have a wobble or two. You have been though a lot and I actually feel very humbled and amazed by your strength to admit your stuggling. It is the hardest thing to except. I too now have accessed conselling, I think it’s important to share your feelings, also this site is here for all of us to feel safe to share without judgement because just because X had no problems it doesn’t mean that Y didn’t.  Your going though an emotional rollercoaster at the moment and I hope you find this place of help to you. Best wishes and some very gentle hugs.

Hi again, you absolutely deserve help and I understand what you mean about bottling things up and pretending your ok with the counsellor, I was ready to discharge myself after two sessions then had a major wobbler two days later lol. I have given myself a kick up the rear and have now realised that I'll be finished when the counsellor says so. I'm getting there slowly but surely and I'm sure there will still be dips to come.

my friend told me about a technique she learned where she pretended that she was someone else offering herself kind advice and she wrote herself a letter, it made her realise that a lot of what she was feeling was unfounded and that she should give herself a break, feel what she felt but know that it's ok and most of it was her own anxiety. I'm probably not explaining it well but it seemed to work, sort of self counselling and mindfulness.

Lots of love

Xxx

Thank you both. I wrote this post to get a lot off my chest, I didn't expect anyone to read it never mind reply. Your kind words mean so much to me. Arla, you explained the letter part very well. It's a good idea, I will try it and let you know how it goes :) I put my all into helping other people, it's very hard helping myself and accepting kindness. I'm sorry if I seem rude with you, I just never truly know how to respond to kindness .

Thank you again both xxx