Let's just say it was no surprise to get the diagnosis. I had noticed a small change in my left breast a small dent, if you like. If I tensed my muscles it was noticeable, a week or so later it was more noticeable. So off I tottered to the doctors, who sent me to the breast clinic.
Two mammograms and core biopsies later it was confirmed that I had a small Grade 3 cancer which had moved, as far as they were aware at that stage, to the lymph node under my arm. I have had a CT scan today to see if it has traveled further.
I think my husband was more shocked at the diagnosis than I was, well I know he was. My mum, dad, aunt cousin etc etc have all had cancer in one form or another, so why not me? I was expecting it as some stage, just didn't know where or when.
Telling people has been interesting.... some are pragmatic, willing to accompany me on any trips to the hospital for treatment I have, others not so, well lets say thoughtful. It is an easy opening for someone to ask my husband how I am (he is first point of contact) and then telling him of their ailments (who knew it would be a competition?) I now ask him if anyone has mentioned it to him, it's not a secret. I have had a couple of telephone calls and one very very good friend supporting me. It is happening to me, but somehow I am not part of that party. People, as I have found out, can also be very insensitive with things they say. Let's get this out there, I have been diagnosed and their fear is my reality, so hearing that they are worried about not feeling good and fearing that they are going to die leaving their kids behind is not something to discuss with me because I will know how they are feeling.
So far I have appointments coming in at a rate of knots, CT scan today, ECG next week and meeting the chemotherapy nurses. I have also got the dentist appointments, which I was advised to get out of the way before my mouth starts getting sore. A couple of things to get done and a hygienist appointment booked. There is no way I would have been able to carry on working, as I was only doing temporary work an hour away I have given that up and am going through an insurance claim.
The insurance claim is another story all together.......please let us have the bank account details you would like payment to go in to (Should read not the one you want the money to go in to, the one you make payments from because that is known to us and therefore there was not point in really giving the bank account details and we have wasted 15 minutes of your life you will never get back because they will then have to phone and tell you this!)
I won't lie, sometimes over the past couple of weeks I have felt quite lonely and have been lucky enough to have a wonderful husband to express this to. I think it may come of people talking to him about it. I don't mind talking about it, but I want to be positive about it and I want others to be positive too. I have re-jigged the spare room as my day room, if I do feel crap through chemo I have a room to lay in, watch tv in, read in and generally be a sick princess in. At bed time I climb in to bed with my gorgeous husband as I normally would and he is not climbing in to a warm bed that I have been slobbing out in all day. Plus the spare room can be re-decorated when I am feeling better and it can be left in the past and we can move forward (oh and I spent a lot of money on 2 really nice pairs of pj's!)
It is odd, I feel ok, tired, but ok. I am not ill, but I know I am going to be and I don't know what to expect. Oh how wonderful it would be if the insurance company could pull their finger out so that there is one less thing to worry about.
Shall I have a glass of wine? My nurse said it would be rude not to!
