Having cancer definitely influences how you spend time and what you do. In my case, I was able to continue doing some activities like going to meetings and ad-hoc seminars and meeting up with friends.
I stopped dancing because I did not want to get bumped; in any case it was not fair if other dancers had to be extra careful because of me. I could not dance but I did go and see friends perform. I didn't have the energy to dance. I enjoyed being in the audience; clapping and cheering for my friends.
I carried on completing writing-up my doctorate. This, in many ways, was far more worrying, stressful and time consuming than having cancer.
Hospital visits, resting, getting over the effects of chemo took over 2017. My world telescoped down, smaller and smaller, more limited and absorbed - closing in and shutting down. my previous life almost disappeared. I had to look after myself and Peter also cared for me.
Sleeping when I needed to, going to appointments, checking with my nurse, smaller and smaller world. If I was not in front of my computer writing and refining, I was watching daytime TV for the first time in my life. I continued seeing family and friends and it was so reassuring knowing they were thinking and caring about me and once a week Peter and I enjoyed caring for our lively one-year-old grand-daughter.
2017 was a challenging year indeed!
I have always enjoyed food and eaten healthily. During my cancer journey I did not have to drastically change my diet. However, I ensured that I had more fruit and vegetables of different colours, cut down on sugar and had occasional red meat and some chicken and enjoyed more fish. So food was not a big issue.
The tablets and injections I took after my FEC chemotherapy sessions were a real challenge. I made charts so I knew exactly when to take what and what tablet should be taken with or without others. I thought no wonder some people get dreadful side effects. If a person is not used to organising and planning it must be really difficult getting the combinations right. I was not used to taking lots of different tablets and I was pleased I did not have to do it for too long. Then there was all the water to drink, and I cut down on the black tea and increased herbal teas and found some I really enjoyed. Peter did the shopping and washing so I did not have to worry about those chores. I carried on making our meals.
Both of us let the housework slip. I didn't have the energy and neither did Peter. So the kitchen floor and the furniture coped as well as they could! Housework was not a priority. Occasionally, I had a burst of energy and actually mopped the kitchen floor; but it was not often.
Then, there were the lotions and potions I indulged in. Before my Cancerland journey if I cleaned my teeth, showered, washed my hair using a shower gel, a shampoo, an ordinary tooth brush and toothpaste and took the whole process for granted. The morning routine changed. I used two different shower washes, a new shampoo and a conditioner. A new baby toothbrush, very soft and tiny, horrible tasting toothpaste and a horrible tasting mouth-wash. All this fussing and extra care, I was just not used to all this pampering. However, my skin did not dehydrate, my mouth did not become sore, and my scalp was not dry. My specialist cancer nurse suggested what to use and I took her kind advice. My body was cared for and I became extra aware. I continued the same daily moisturiser routine on my face. All this extra care took time and another reason for my days to telescope and I became more self-centred. Slower and slower, slower and slower.
As I sat in front of my computer I could see my garden, I did not have the energy to do much to it. In fact, it was already growing wild because it had to take a back seat during my doctorate work over the last few years. Now it seemed a verdant jungle, overgrown bushes, more leaves less flowers. The paths disappearing. I saw it though the window - so near - so near - but I hardly went into it in 2017. Peter would moan because it became difficult to take the wet washing down to the dryer in the garage. It is only a small garden but it would have to continue to remain fallow until I get my energy back. I am hoping that during 2018, I will start gardening again and transform my jungle into a pretty garden again. In previous times we used to eat meals outside and we created a small brick terrace where there is a table waiting to be used again. But this was impossible during 2017. I would look and dream but I did not enjoy my garden during 2017.
