My name is Paul, and on Friday October 28th 2016 I was diagnosed with Testicular Cancer.
The Sunday before, I noticed my left testicle was enlarged. Instead of going away to work on the Monday, I stayed at home and got an appointment with my GP. “If I were a betting man, I’d say it isn’t, but lets two week referral and get it checked”. Come Thursday that, I was visiting Urology at the hospital.”If I were a betting man, I’d say it isn’t. Let’s get a non-urgent scan arranged and I’ll see you in six weeks”... as I left the hospital, my phone rang saying they had a cancellation for the following day. Great! I thought. From panic to reassurance in a week...
...I went for the scan and was told I had to go back to Urology out patients. I called my wife “Something isn’t right, you’d better come down”, bless her, she’s just fine to bed having been on nights.
My wife arrived and a short while later we were told as sure as they could be, that I had Testicular Cancer. “You must remember Mr Kay, 98% of people make a full recovery”.... I was straight faced, my wife was being consoled by a nurse. My attitude “How are we going to fix this.... there’s still 2% of people who...” it didn’t bare thinking about.
I left the hospital that day with an abundance of information I’m yet to read, and an appointment for the following Tuesday, November 1st, for my Orchidectomy. I didn’t read the info because I fully threw myself into the care teams arms. They would tell me all I needed to know, when I needed to know.
That weekend was long. I had to tell people, there was a family meal for my Mums birthday, so I couldn’t tell her until last, after the meal. I told everyone personally, face to face, over the phone or via message for anyone I couldn’t reach. Then I told my Mum, then an advanced apology on Facebook. Not for sympathy, but to explain why I might be forgetful, distant or argumentative. I was genuinely blown away by the response.
The day of my Op came. I was ready, but headstrong. My wife and friend dropped me off, then picked me up that same evening.
The following week my wound was infected and sore, but no major drama, and I had my CT Scan. A couple of weeks later I went in for the results. “Mr Kay, I can confirm that the tumour was Cancer. It was approximately 5cm long however, it has not spread outside the testicle, no evidence in the lymph nodes or your lungs and it was a seminoma. Because of the size of the tumour, you are a candidate for Chemo, but the Oncologiat will speak to you about that.”
That was that. Taking all positives, I was, effectively, no cancer free and fighting to be in that 98%.
There were other things to deal with, mainly the fertility side. I already had “issues”, but the cancer finished it off. I’m now infertile. Not so much a big issues for us as we had already discussed adoption, but when the option is totally removed from you, it stings a little.
I had my one dose of Chemo in January 2017, all went well. I didn’t get I’ll or sick, slightly fatigued, but largely no issue.
Now I am coming to the end of my first year of 3 monthly checks and my first CT Scan since is due in a week or so. A little nervous, but all signs are so far so good. Five years of checks in total.
The expectation vs the reality, in my case, has outweighed it by an enourmous scale. To the point I’ve openly said I feel a little like a fraud. You see the pain and anguish some people have on their journey and, for me, it’s largely been smooth thus far.
I thought I’d cracked it, but after the dust had settled, in the summer of this year, I struggled mentally and emotionally. Nightmares came in, waking up in sweats, panicking it was back and checking myself in a panic. I was told this was normal. I spoke to my consultant, my family and friends - maybe it helps my wife is a mental health nurse. I even used the MacMillan Helpline and broke down on the guy who answered the phone - that helped. That was enough. The nightmares have subsided.
Life goes on. I don’t mean that in a flippant or cocky way, it’s just my way of dealing with it.
I’ve not blogged before, but maybe if someone just starting out on their journey reads this when they’re scared of the unknown, they’ll see it is possible to be positive. If that’s you, Inwish you the very best on your journey!
