One Sunday a few weeks ago I started getting chest pains. Husband feared heart attack. I was less concerned. I wasn't grey or sweating and my Fitbit seemed happy enough. But my chest felt tight and heavy. I rang the NHS health line and they decided it warranted paramedics. They took me into hospital for blood tests, X-rays and an ecg. All fine. Just some inflammation. Facebook friends diagnosed Costochondritis. I'd never heard of it and still don't know how to spell it. But I googled it and dutifully started taking anti inflammatories to calm it all down. Everyone breathed a sigh of relief about my heart apart from husband who remained concerned.
Two weeks later my chest was still bad. I asked husband (who once trained as an aromatherapist) to make me an anti inflammatory mix. I rubbed it on my chest and as my hand passed over my left breast I felt something. A lump. Quite big. I felt the other side. Nothing. I asked husband to check and he confirmed that yes there was something on the left side that wasn't on the right. It was at this point he stopped worrying about my heart and started to worry about something else.
Two days later saw doctor and she confirmed the lump in my left breast. I squirmed when she poked it so she said it was tender and that was a good sight. But to be honest I squirmed because I don't like my breasts being poked. I don't really think the lump is tender. at all. And I've since read that breast cancer lumps can be painful. Anyway she also stuck her finger into my armpit (now that was painful) and said she felt a swollen lymph node. After I got dressed she told me it was a good sign my nipples weren't inward or bleeding and that there had been no changes in my breast shape or skin but she said she had to refer me to hospital for a mammogram, ultrasound and maybe needle biopsy as there was no way of knowing what the lump was from feeling it alone. My grandmother died of breast cancer at age 39 so slight increase in my risk but not by much. She told me I was middle of the pack in terms of urgency and then said if my grandmother was sat there she'd be first in priority. Not sure why a grandmother returned from the dead beats me in the queue for a mammogram but I chose not to argue my case. Oh she also said inflammation was Costochondritis (well done Facebook) and advised anti inflammatories. I then asked about timescales for a "middle of the pack urgency case". She said I should get an appointment in a few weeks (not months) and that they were "pretty good".
However, this turned out not to be the case. When I rang the hospital a few days later (I hate waiting but I suspect it's something I might need to get used to) I discovered there is in fact a 4 month waiting list for urgent cases. Wha...?! So husband and I agreed to pay to see a private consultant. Very nice clinic. So nice that at the sight of the carpet and comfy chairs and coffee machine my husband forgot why we were there and announced, "Ah now this is the life"!! Then consultant emerged from his room and called my name and we remembered everything.
The consultant couldn't find anything in my armpit apart from the fact my ribs are inflamed (note: rib test via armpit = very painful) but he could feel the lump in my breast. He said it felt like a cyst and proceeded to stick a needle into it to see if he could draw out any fluid. Nothing came out. He said this didn't mean it wasn't a cyst, the fact it didn't "resist the needle" was a good sign, perhaps he hadn't hit the right spot etc. He then put a little plaster over my wound which I thought was a nice touch and completely justified the private fee paid (oh at least that's what I'll tell myself when I see my bank statement). He said he would refer me to a different hospital as an urgent suspected breast cancer case - necessary given my age (45) and lump. He said I should have all the tests in the next few weeks and that 85% of people are discharged the same day with no issue. Oh and he also said I have Costochondritis and again advised anti inflammatories.
And that's where we are. The story so far. I didn't go into work today. I took a day's annual leave as I just couldn't face people, pressure, demands, the usual. I feel so exhausted. But I've felt exhausted for a long long time so it might be unrelated. Or it might be completely related. I just don't know and I'm too tired to map out all the different options in my head.
So all I can do now is wait for my letter telling me the date/time of the tests and then take it from there. And in the meantime I guess I need to keep singing my song.
