I've had the mammogram, the ultrasound and a biopsy. I have the results on Tuesday. The consultant told me after the tests that unfortunately they think there is a cause for concern with the lump, and also I have calcifications in both breasts which they will need to consider, but let's wait for the biopsy result first. I told him I feel unwell - constantly lightheaded and tired. I also mentioned my chest pain. "Oh yes" he said, "The cardio ...I definitely don't think that's related." However, it's not a 'cardio' feeling, it's a bone feeling, almost constant chest bone pain for nearly 6 weeks now. I said "I'm worried that something has spread to the bones". He said that while it's natural to try to pull all these things together I must try not to do that, he doesn't think they are related and we need to wait for the biopsy results. I was then introduced to a breast care nurse who told me to write down all my questions between now and next week and said after the results we'd discuss next steps. I think she actually said treatment plan but I'm no longer certain. The conversation is a blur and I wish my husband had been in there to remember everything I forgot. He's coming in with me on Tuesday. I found the mammogram itself not too bad. It was my first one and I was dreading it. But the radiographer was lovely. She slowly lowered the plates and checked I was ok al the way through. I would put it below both a smear and a scrape and polish in terms of pain but possibly I'm a baby when it comes to my teeth and my nether regions. The ultrasound was also fine. Weirdly it almost felt like seeing an old friend on the screen - I have felt the lump's edges with my fingers so many times, finally I was looking at it. I also remember thinking it looked like a puppy. I think I'm going slightly mad. I was told it's 2cm. The biopsy was fine. I felt pressure rather than pain. I watched the needle go in on the ultrasound screen and despite the circumstances found it all slightly fascinating, Maybe I should have gone into medicine. That day I felt somewhat detached from the whole thing but I think it was the shock. I worked from home the following day and then went back into work on Thursday. I thought I was holding it together until I spoke to my friend, started talking about my daughter and then burst into tears. This morning (Saturday) I'm trying to do some work at home while ignoring my shoulder pain (probably trapped nerve but can't help but thinking referred pain from armpit lymph nodes- they scanned my armpit a lot on Tuesday but didn't tell me if they saw anything). Also trying to ignore my cough (probably a cold but I've had a nagging cough for a long long time now and my sternum still hurts). The one thing I can't think about is my daughter, my husband and my fears for the future. If I go there I can't hold it together so I'm putting those thoughts under lock & key until I know more. On a positive note Strictly tonight... :)
