You've left me. Dear god how much pain, how much agony and how much sheer misery I saw you go through. Watching it all helplessly. Not even able to touch you because of the horrible lymphoma on your shoulder and its spreading out pangs of pain. Not able to comfort you, not able to hold you, not able to hug you. For all those months and months.
And then for you to leave me all of a sudden! I am distraught. I am left with such a massive hole! How could you do this to me? What was lacking in my love that you left me? Can you see me from where you are? I still cant believe you have gone forever. This is just a lie. How can you leave me, it is still not even half time.
You and I are bestest mates. You and I are a whole. How can you leave me behind? How comes I am still breathing? With your cardiac arrest, shouldn't my breath have been taken away instead? Why did your brain injury not switch the life out of me? How did this body continue to stay alive when you my soul had departed?
And I couldn't even hold you. Hug you. Touch you. For so long. I am now in a misery of my own where I only see you, and then don't see you, which causes so much pain its unbearable. 10 days in hospital, less than 24 hours home, 10 more days in coma in hospital and then just a slow release and you went skywards. Calling me out. Whilst I entrusted you back to Him for your journey onwards.
Please be happy where you are. Remember my love was always there for you, and will remain always.
