Such an array of powerful emotions have collided together to form a roller-coaster of feelings. From the strength of reassessing my life and values to being overwhelmed by the trauma of losing 50% of my hair in one go as it became matted together into a solid piece.
I try to cry whenever I feel I need to as a cathartic measure to heal and pour out the negative. The feeling of crying is an amazing release that I wasn’t able to properly connect with before the cancer diagnosis. I have now completed 4 rounds of chemotherapy with the last one being the double whammy of 2 types. I feel really K.O’d, nauseous and drained. I’m just eating whatever I can to keep the calories coming and am listening to my body to let me know what type of food it wants. I will have to resume the complete healthy eating once this phase has passed.
Had a really connected moment with my partner last night when I voiced my apprehension that he may feel weird if I were to lose all my hair. I guess I’m just anxious as to the impact of losing this part of my identity. He was amazing and hit home the point that curing the cancer is the only important thing. Felt a bit of a ninny for focusing so much on my hair.
I’m embracing and nurturing the beginning of a new spiritual reawakening that welcomes all forms of emotion and will continue to build on this journey.
