Thursday June 29th.
This was a morning when I had my third physio session and then Val had a blood test at our GP practice. The blood test was required by the surgeon for our outpatient appointment with him on July 12th. This was followed by a trip to Cost Coffee for a sort of brunch as neither of us had had any breakfast.
Val had a good sleep in the afternoon and followed that up with scrambled eggs and then peaches and cream – a perfect way to breach the 2,000 calorie threshold and she did three sets of her exercises.
So it was a quiet day, a calm day. You could say the calm before the storm.
Friday June 30th.
It was 18.15 and we were sitting in the Ambulatory Care Ward at Hospital A.
Nothing had prepared us for how the day was to end. I had been to see our GP in the morning to renew the prescriptions for my blood pressure tablets. It also provided an opportunity for the GP to ask me how I was coping with Val’s situation. We had a useful chat and this reinforced the messages that Val’s recovery would be slow and that I needed to take time out for me.
On the way back I collected the wheelchair that we have hired for a month. I rang our friends Rod and Liz to confirm that we were still planning to go to Yorkshire with them on the 17th.
The District Nurse called in to change the dressing on Val’s bed sore and said that was healing really well and further visits on the next two Fridays should see their regular involvement come to an end. The physio also called in and gave Val some exercises to build up her arms.
It was shortly after the physio left at about 15.30 that our GP rang with the results of the blood test that had been taken the day before. She had concerns about the raised white blood cell count which signified that Val had an infection and could we go straight to the surgery. This came as a big surprise because Val had only said earlier in the day that she was starting to feel better in herself.
When we arrived at the surgery we were called in to the GP’s office straight away. The GP listened to Val’s chest and said that it was clear. Her blood pressure and temperature were also fine. The GP examined Val’s stomach and said that was also fine.
The GP was clearly concerned by the indication of infection but said that prescribing antibiotics was difficult without knowing the cause and/or the site of the infection.
Why do these things always happen on Friday afternoons? The GP tried to phone the surgeon’s secretary only to find the call went straight to voicemail. She then phoned Hospital B and asked for the on-call urology registrar to be bleeped. When he finally answered and had listened to the GP’s explanation he said that as it was now nine weeks post-op, it was not possible to link the infection to the surgery and suggested that we should go to the A&E at Hospital A.
I observed to the GP that it seemed that being an existing patient in the NHS system was like playing snakes and ladders in that if you landed on a snake’s head then you slid down it to join the back of the queue for your next test or treatment. Fortunately a couple of phone calls later and our GP had arranged for us to go straight to the Ambulatory Care Ward thereby enabling us to avoid A&E.
We stopped off at home to quickly put together an overnight bag for Val and then set off for the hospital arriving at 17.15. We were expected and the staff quickly set about taking samples and Val had to have a chest x-ray. By 19.00 we were told that Val had, and ironies of ironies, a urine infection. This was unexpected because Val had not experienced the normal symptoms which were probably why our GP had not tested for it and if she had then we would in all likelihood have escaped the need to go to hospital. The plan was then to give Val a high dose of IV antibiotics and then to send her home with a prescription for the antibiotics in tablet form. The consultant said that Val should then make an appointment to see our GP in a week’s time but online she could only get an appointment for the 14th, although if she rings on Monday she might be able to get one sooner.
While Val was being given the IV antibiotics, I went to the hospital restaurant to get something to eat. I discovered the answer to the interesting question of how many staff members does it take to remove a full black sack from a bin and to replace it with a new one? The answer appeared to be four! As it was Friday I quite fancied the traditional fish and chips that were advertised on a board hanging above the hot food section. When I was eventually served I was told that the fish and chips had only been available at lunchtime and the assistant said that she could not take the sign down as she was not tall enough. I was amused by the thought that between the end of serving lunch at about 15.00 through to 19.00, nobody above the height of five feet had been available to remove the sign. I chose the cheese bake which was at least tasty and hot.
When you are in a hospital whether as a patient or a visitor, there is generally plenty of time to look around you and observe. Our visit to Hospital B gave me another opportunity to ponder on an interesting observation namely the irony of the public health message of the dangers of being over-weight or obese. We are told to exercise, eat our five a day, smaller portions, and eat less salt and sugar – so why then do the staff in the NHS seem blissfully unaware of this? I am always amazed at the number of NHS staff who are over-weight or obese given that many of them are on their feet for most of the day. I would be interested to know the proportion of NHS staff falling into these categories because I have a feeling that they would exceed those in most other organisations.
We eventually got home at about 20.30 and although we were both tired but we were pleased that Val had not had to stay in overnight.
Saturday July 1st.
It was a wonderful and almost normal day and Val was not experiencing any side effects from the antibiotics.
It was our grandson’s fifth birthday and we called to wish him Happy Birthday and as the day progressed we were able to enjoy the photos and video clips that were posted on Whats App.
As the weather was nice we headed off to a local National Trust property and put the wheelchair through its paces. Everything was fine but I have to say that I am now not a fan of loose stone or chipping pathways as they make it very hard work for those pushing the wheelchair. It was just wonderful to sit on a bench together, take in the scenery and be a normal couple again. We happily enjoyed a drink and a piece of cake in the National Trust café. Val said that it felt so good to be out and doing something.
Val felt fine but tired towards the end of our visit and had a long nap when we returned home. We both enjoyed a glass of beer with our evening meal and then watched a bit of television, catching up on programmes that we had recorded. Val again exceeded her 2,000 calorie target so happy days.
Sunday July 2nd.
It was another really good day. We took advantage of the glorious weather to take a trip out to Broadway. We hadn’t been to Broadway for a long time and certainly not with someone in a wheelchair. It was easy to get around but finding a public toilet was a problem. The public toilets that we found were right at the far end of the village and we reached them in good time.
We were able to sit inside a small café with the wheelchair folded up and Val ordered tomato soup which she eat very little of as it was quite thick and a little spicy. However sitting in the sunshine with a soft whip ice cream was far more successful.
On the way back to the car park, Val used the wheelchair as a form of zimmer frame and walked a good distance. I popped into the only charity shop there and bought a dvd of the Lee Marvin/ Clint Eastwood musical “Paint Your Wagon” which we watched in the evening. This was the first musical that I had ever enjoyed when I was younger and it didn’t disappoint this time either.
Val again exceeded her 2,000 calories target although she didn’t do three sets of her exercises. The good news though is that she continues to feel better in herself although she still tires easily. Patience is my new watchword.
Monday July 3rd.
The highlight of the day was going into town with Val – her first trip in for two months – made possible by having the wheelchair. Val bought a pair of trousers in one shop and steered her way around another. We sat outside Costa with our coffess and enjoyed people watching.
On the way home we called into Morrisons and fitted a large wheeled basket onto the front of the wheelchair so that we could do the shopping together for the first time in ages. When we got back Val slept for a good two hours.
We had a normal evening and went to bed at around 22.15. The later Val leaves having her nap, means the later she stays up in the evening.
Tuesday July 4th.
They say that the calm comes before the storm.
Val weighed herself and her weight was 46kg – no increase but significantly not less than a week before. An 08.00 phone call to the GP surgery secured a late morning appointment with our GP. This gave me time for my physio appointment and breakfast before we needed to head out.
I wanted Val to tell the doctor about her problems swallowing food and her retching after taking a tablet but she didn’t want to and I went along with it. The appointment was really just touching base with the GP and updating her on what had happened when we went to hospital last Friday. She ordered another blood test for the start of next week so that the results can be taken to our appointment with the surgeon.
Val went to her art class in the afternoon and that’s what led to our later difficulties. When I went to collect her she was again happily chatting to her classmates and then she sipped her Fortisip and started retching. Now this is of course concerning because I don’t like to see Val in discomfort but being honest it is also a little embarrassing.
When we got home I went to make us a cup of tea but there were things I needed to say if I wasn’t to burst. I told Val that I was frustrated that she had not mentioned her retching to the GP particularly as it had now apparently spread to her Fortisip drinks. I was frustrated that she was not, from my perspective, doing anything to help herself.
I had a go at her because of her lack of perseverance. I had deliberately bought her a plastic bottle for her fortified milk so that she would have a visual check on how much she was consuming. This had come about following the visit of the dietician and Val had been suitably fired up, mixing the skimmed milk powder into a pint of milk and drinking glasses of it but this had now tailed off. She is very hit and miss with her exercises and makes no effort to go for a walk. Val blames her tiredness but exercise and nutrition will help combat that.
I have a friend who says that the hardest part of going for a run is actually going out the front door. We can all find excuses, and Val does, for not doing things but she won’t push herself.
As far as I can see there are no physical reasons for her issues with food. To me the issues are mental and I suggested that she needed to see a therapist which she agreed with. She eventually telephoned someone and an appointment has been made for Friday. I really hope that the intervention of a therapist will do some good and will find the switch that will make the difference.
Val was apologetic but I really do not want her apologies and I told her so. For the first time in our married life, I swore at her telling her to “f****** well sort yourself out.” I told her that I was not prepared for her to trash sixteen wonderful years of marriage because what we were experiencing was not a life with any sort of quality in it. For me a marriage is remembered for how it ends and not what went before. Through no fault of her own Val has put me, family and friends through hell. The surgeon has performed a miracle and given her a good life back and she is wasting it. I went through a litany of friends who are far worse off than Val and all she can do is sit on the sofa and say that she is frightened, disappointed and unhappy but without revealing anything specific. It’s making this year, largely a non-event, a waste and I am in no doubt that if it continues then Val will find herself back in hospital again. I also believe that when people talk to Val or she reads material on the internet and this tells her that recovery is slow that she mustn’t use this as an excuse to not push herself. If she pushes herself then within reason she will shorten the period of her recovery.
When I met Val I was attracted to many things about her particularly her spirit and independence. It has been a shock therefore to see her in her current state. Her “tough as old boots” mantra has gone out the window and she is now so needy. I firmly believe that if you do what you have always done then you will get what you have always got – in fact a definition of madness – and therefore I hope that therapy will prove to be the answer.
Wednesday July 5th.
Today was much like yesterday.
We went for a walk, a walk that Val had now done a couple of times before, but she really struggled this time complaining of an ache in her left leg and foot. This led to a conversation where we started to draw up a list of issues to raise with the surgeon next week during which Val admitted, for the first time, that she was depressed.
Both James and Jason telephoned and these two calls sparked another conversation. Val’s response to Jason’s “how are you mum?” was along the lines of “not too bad” and no mention of the forthcoming visit to the therapist. Why? I challenged Val on her lack of honesty and so when James phoned she told him that she was going to a therapist as she needed help with her eating but there was no mention of the depression. James was a little surprised because he felt that the food issue was a physical one. James sees his mum every few weeks, and that is not a criticism given where he lives, so he doesn’t see Val every day like I do and if he did I am sure he would revise his opinion. When I asked Val why she had not been open with him she said it was because she was embarrassed. Still, in my opinion, half the battle is admitting that you have a problem so her earlier acknowledgement of how she was feeling I took as a positive.
I hope that when she has her therapy sessions that I don’t emerge as part of the problem rather than part of the solution. Val said that I am not sympathetic or quick to acknowledge her achievements. For my part I said that I thought that we were past the stage of giving false praise however I had consistently praised her getting to grips with her new bladder so quickly. I also think that we have moved beyond soft and fluffy sympathy. This led to another round of apologies form Val but I said I didn’t want her apologies. What I want is to see her getting better – is that so unreasonable? I am though in quite a miserable place at the moment so perhaps I also need some therapy?
I had escaped in the afternoon to play in a bowls match which I thoroughly enjoyed despite the heat. When I got back Val had prepared the evening meal and done the ironing.
