Feeling so down

Hi Hannah and firstly a huge huge hug from me. I too cried for my mum the other night, always late at night do I get upset, on my own, hubby always goes to bed first. I'm 62 and lost my mum December 1999. She was only 69 But it's been now that I've really needed her. My sister has been the one I've been upset with. She lives 5 minutes away but hardly ever came to see me. I've always helped her out, usually financially, my only sibling. If it's not me initiating going shopping or come round for a cuppa, then nothing. So upsetting, even some of my closet friends, nothing. As my husband said to me 'sod em'. But it's bloody upsetting. We haven't had an operation and then alls well, we're fighting cancer and all that comes with it.

I'm here for you Hannah and so many other lovely people will too

Love and again, a huge hug

Val

Hello Val,

Thank you so much for your response - it really means a lot. I know I'm not alone in what's happening to me and in some respects I am luckier than a lot of others - I have a wonderful husband and a 19-year-old daughter who still lives at home & does so much for me. It's just I'm sort of mourning my old life I suppose, that's the crux of it. I'm sorry that your sister & some close friends aren't more supportive of you - I honestly don't think people understand what we go through when we're fighting this, they really don't.

I'm glad this forum is here for us all & thank you so much again Val.

Big hugs right back at you,

Hannah xxx

HI Hannah,

My name is James and I am 24 years old. I recently found out that I have bowel cancer and have been going through the same notions that you described in your post.

Recently I have had an overwhelming feeling of stress and my thoughts have gotten darker and darker to the point where I thought I was going to do something stupid. I haven't felt like the same person I was and people who have offered help (apart from my wife and close family) have unfortunately never materialised.

Joining this page was one of the best remedies I have had throughout this whole ordeal and everything you have said has reinforced the fact that we are not alone in this and despite everything seeming a bit gloomy, We at least have each other for support where others have failed to keep their promises.

I really hope things start to feel like they are getting better soon. You sound like a truly amazing person who does not deserve to feel the way that you do.

I would also like to thank you for having the bravery to post your experience. Without realising it really has helped me in a massive way, for that I am truly grateful.

Lots of love and good wishes,

James xxx

Hello James,

Thank you so much for your wonderful response - you've made me feel a bit guilty because you're so young to be going through a cancer battle - I actually have 2 sons who are older than you (27 & 29), so the thought of you going through this awfulness breaks my heart and although I'm only 50, I've had a good, full life and I'd willingly take your cancer on too if it could relieve you of it x

I do think that us Brits are so awkward with things like serious illness and I try to reason with myself that people aren't ignoring me to deliberately hurt me, it's just that they're scared to ask how I am because what if I scream 'AWFUL!! AAAGH - HELP ME!' - they won't have a clue what to do will they!! But even a simple text now & again would be something...not too much to ask is it?

Thank goodness for this site and for social media because I'd have been so lost without them. I hope your dark thoughts are subsiding - I baked some cup cakes tonight, not for me to eat because I can't taste them, but just for something to do and apparently they've come out quite nice! I'm on my 9th novel since March - I've read some cracking books that's for sure - and I try to watch Countdown every day to keep my brain active. I'd love to know what your distractions are, Game Of Thrones box set downloaded perhaps (I haven't seen it but I think I'm going to give it a whirl!).

Hang in there too - we're in this together remember, all of us - and thank you again for giving me some perspective on my situation.

Lots of love & a big hug,

Hannah x

Hi Hannah,

Thank you for your reply. It really means a lot.

There is no need to feel guilty, unfortunately cancer has no care for someone's age. The positive being that I will react to the effects better being so young.

I could not agree with you more on the awkwardness front, I know for a fact that I would have felt slightly awkward breaching that subject to someone in a similar situation to us. I feel like it would be nice for people to bite the bullet though occasionally, as you say a text or a little conversation with someone can go a very long way to helping you.

My wife encouraged me to sign up to the site and share my thoughts and feelings with people who are on the same level. I have to say it's an absolute godsend to see that there are people who understand what you are going through and can sympathise.

The thoughts and feelings of stress are something I am struggling to come to terms with at The moment. Although I'm going to speak to my doctor tomorrow, this conversation has spurred me on to seek help and move past it.

Funnily enough I baked brownies for exactly the same reason, just as something to do. They do say that baking is good for the soul :)

Haha I'm glad the books and countdown have worked a treat, sometimes a brainteaser and a cup of tea is all that you need. When it comes to distractions I like to keep myself updated with the football, game of thrones is an absolute essential.. . Something I would highly recommend, the fascinating thing is that the plots differ from the books to the tv show slightly. I also play the guitar, my parents bought me a beautiful acoustic guitar as a motivation to get better, I've played the guitar for 15 years so decided to learn some new songs and rhythms to keep my mind active, do you have any songs in particular that you feel would be worth learning?

Id really like it if you could keep us all posted on how things are progressing, and remember that if you have a bad day that we are all here for you and send our love to you.

Massive hugs,

James x