Whoaft. Cycle 3 of the chemo knocked me for absolute six. I knew something was different when I started to feel nauseous while in the Beatson, and the last 6 days have seen me more or less swimming through soup. Nausea, tiredness, sleeping all the time. But today I finally feel like a human being again (and on the downside all the little anxieties and twinges and pains (definitely more cancer!) I'd been too out of it to notice are coming back to the forefront of my mind).
So my Eus passed without much fanfare, the sedation worked a treat, the only thing I really remember was the doctor noting that 6 nodes were swollen. Normally this would freak me out - six is a lot - but as there's no real way of knowing why they're swollen until they're chopped out of my body I'm somehow managing to push it to the back of my mind. Anyway, it turns out the one they were most concerned about looks benign (it's outside the resection field so if it was cancerous it would be game over) so that's a bit of good news to be munching on until the scans hit me.
And hitting me they are. CT on Wednesday and Pet the following Monday and at that point I'll know if I'm operable...or not. It's strange to think that so many other people will be privy to this information, will know my fate and prognosis, long before I will. The number of people who will read my scans, pass them on, make a judgement call, point out something interesting or unusual, like it's just the everyday comings and goings of their job. Their 9 till 5. But these are decisions that can have such an impact on my life and those of the people I love.
So the next week is going to be a(nother) long one, and I don't even like to say it but I've been given a prospective date for the operation. I'm too suspicious to put it in writing though, even feel a little funny having given that much away to be honest.
So this weekend will be family time tomorrow (now I can manage to stand upright for more than 30 minutes at a time), will make a curry, and Sunday my partner is working and her parents have kindly agreed to take the kids so I will be having as relaxing a time as I possibly can and trying not to poke my body into exposing new aches and pains and worrisome areas that are potentially (definitely!) cancer.
