So here we are, almost 6 months since we were warned to 'expect the worst' when Dad struggled to survive pneumonia and sometimes it feels as if we're all caught in some sort of No Mans Land. As there is no more treatment possible, there are no more hospital visits, x-rays or scans - indeed, there's probably not much point.
But for those of us watching him in his daily struggle to have some sort of quality of life, it's extremely hard not knowing what we're likely to face in the next few weeks/months/years. The cold weather has upset his breathing, so he has stopped trying to get out. His poor weakened lung can't cope. So he and Mum stay at home and try to stay positive, and we help as much as we can with that. There are days when I feel so frustrated for them I could scream. Sometimes I cry instead, for the lifestyle that they have lost. I'm finding it hard to cope with working full time, being supportive both mentally and practically wherever possible, and staying positive for them. I find myself wishing this rollercoaster ride would stop - then I feel guilty, especially when I read what everyone else here in mac land has to contend with. We are so lucky in many ways.
But am I the only one in this position who feels lonely sometimes, not wanting to burden friends, colleagues and some family members with my worries? I know it does no good to bottle things up, but I can't keep ranting at them.
So apologies, my cyber friends, you're my safety valve. XX
