This is my first blog entry. Quite frankly, I have no idea what to put in it. So this is dedicated to my trip to Karmanos, my new clinic. This is a new step in my cancer experience, a complete change from before... I worked where I had been getting treatment before, so I felt very at home.
This first trip happened on Monday, got up early seeing as how it's across state. We (my husband, sister in law, and I) got there at 930 am. We registered & had labs done, then went to the exam room & for the first time met Dr. LoRusso. I came with a bit of a bitter attitude for many reasons... mostly being that I didn't want to start doing this over again.
Working in medicine, I have the patients who get annoyed having to go through their seemingly endless medical history once again... I don't blame them, but in all honesty, they inspire me... to be peppy. I don't want to be a witch. Luckily, Dr. LoRusso was a nice surprise, I seemed to be blessed again with another wonderful doctor. She was a lot like my old doctor, in the way she shows love for her patients and passion for what she does. We went over everything that's gone on the last few years, I almost felt like she knew me better than me, at least in a cancer aspect.
She told us that she had passion for what she does, and it made me feel almost important in a way? I really can't explain it... good that she cared, and that I wasn't just signing her paycheck, I suppose. She explained to us that she lost her brother and both her parents to cancer at the age of 15. She also asked for prayers about the $6 million dollar grant she applied for for funding research for triple negative breast cancer... if one for praying, there's something to include.
Over an hour and a half, we discussed a lot of things, never came to the ultimate conclusion about what's next. We have a general idea, that's how we came to Karmanos anyway, but nothing like a plan yet.
When things got emotional was when Dr. LoRusso brought up more chemo... I had been fine until then, but this was when I start crying. It was more embarrassing than anything, honestly. Jack explained that for selfish reason and after just getting out of 7 months of chemo, we where hoping for something different this time. When my husband was just looking out for our family was when I just turned into a sobbing mess... felt stupid and relieved at the same time, which is what seems to happen whenever I cry at inconvenient times. She completely understood and said she wanted to give us quantity with the most quality. I told her that choice has been the hardest for me... I always want the best of both worlds, which can't always be possible. She said she knew it effects so many people and wants to help us make the right desicion.
As for what's coming next, she said she'll talk to Dr. Wicha, currently in Madrid, about potential options. We got home in time for my son to get off the bus at 4 and eat dinner with my parents. I sometimes wish I could hug and kiss all this out their lives... but while I'm in a good mood, that's not something I'm going to think about. So now I'm going to wrap up my very first blog post. This wasn't meant to sobering or anything, I'm honestly not all that sure why I wrote it, but I don't feel like it was a waste of my time.... my brain feels sorted, a rare occurrence, haha.
