hi every one back again.the last few weeks have been very hard. i ended up in hospital again after my last chemo even though i had five days of the injections my white cell count dropped & i was neutropenic again so five days in hospital on iv antibiotics. i think stress is causing my white cells to drop so much as my life is very stressfull & there is little time to rest .even though i do try there is always some problem or other to sort out.my sister walked out of rehab last week after doing four months she is now back on the booze & causing utter mayhem. the other day i really wanted to run away just to get some rest from every thing but thats never been a thing i do plus i would have only have been leaving my family to deal with it on there own.i feel so tired all the time now & i am getty ratty again with everyone for the slightest thing . i start my weekly chemo on the 16th & i am dreading it i know the taxol is not as strong as the ec but its still a powerful drug . i think i have reached the point in my cancer treatment that we must all go through & that is i am fed up with being theresa with cancer i want my old life back now i know thats inposible at the moment & my treatment is so important to giving me the chance of getting my life back on track its just a hard slog at this time.i am so angry with my sister if some one offered me the chance to go away for a cure i would embrace it with every thing i had & i am sure everyone on site would do the same she has thrown away the chance now of getting her children back . they are happy with me & have fitted into my family but it must be so hard for them to understand whats going on. thankyou all for listening to my rant hope every one is ok with love n hugs theresa [treeze] xxxxxx
FormerMember
Just read your blog - it's time to think of number one. I'm feeling cheesed off today, half way through my 6 doses of Chemo and I just want it all to be over. I wont have the op until the new year then radiotherapy. It seems a lifetime away. I totally agree with your comment 'throwing away a chance of getting her children back'. Some people don't realise how lucky they are. I struggled to have one child and just hope I live long enough to see him marry and have children.
Sorry to hear that your blood count crashed again and you had to be back in hospital. I can imagine that you feel that it is going on forever and ever, and you echo everyone's feelings about "old life". Your sister going back to the alcohol is terrible - so much more stress for you, and terrible for her children, although thank goodness for your kindness and it sounds like they couldn't have a more caring home than yours. It is horribly ironic though that she is making herself ill whilst you are desperately wanting to get better. Sending you love and hugs xxxx Penny
It is so hard to handle the way we are now! Looking back doesn't help though. You will have another life back, and it will almost certainly be different. It could and probably will be better.
I am so sorry to hear about your sister's relapse. She had made such progress with her illness. It should be seen as an illness, possibly on a par with yours, only completely different..
My sister is a doctor, and has spent a lot of her time working with a Drug rehab programme, and she said that by far the worst drug on the block is alcohol. More addictive, and more dangerous to the addict. - and of course to their families.
When you are feeling up to it, if you are not already a member, why not try Al-Anon. The organisation that supports families of Alcoholics. Maybe your brother might take her children there? If they are old enough. It would have been better if an AA link to rehab could have been forged. It is when they think they are getting free of it, that they get bored with the novelty of being sober and want to have another drink, maybe be drunk. It is like having a roaring hungry demon in all your veins and nervous system and the first touch of alcohol wakes it up. Maybe like you, your sister wanted her old life back. It is so sad.
As for Taxol, it is a really good drug, and it shoujld do the biz for you. I really hope it does. When they started making it, suddenly the supply of yew clippings (which were imported) dried up, and one enterprising patient, got everyone who felt inclined to, to collect clippings and send them to the manufacturer. It was done mostly through the Church, on account of every parish having a yew tree in the churchyard. (Taxus Baccata - the Yew.) They were originally planted to make longbows that won us the battle of Agincourt. You are fighting your own Agincourt. You have a good weapon to do it with.
I was a foster carer until recently until social workers decided cancer and looked after children shouldn`t mix. Kinship care unfortunately is governed by regulations and I don`t know if social workers would view the same as they did with my husband and his cancer.
Firstly as I know social workers access and take to panel the long term interests of the child/ren and whether long term fostering is in the interests of the child/ren. Next they look to where the children are placed and access whether the kinship/carers would make a good match. It is all purely subjective unfortunately panels access carers even kinship carers on their health. At panels a medical advisor makes judgement. In our case his judgement flew in the face of my husbands consultant oncologist and GP advice.
You may well need additional support to deal with interfering social workers. I sincerely hope not. I wish you well and a good recovery families should stay together. God bless.
oh heavens all this stress on you is just awful i am so sorry to read your blogs.
I lost both my parents to alcohol so know the stress you are feeling, worst for you as you are looking after your neices and nephews along with your own children having to get their heads around your illness. I wish you everything i can for a speedy healing and being able to sort this out. Big hugs and lots of love xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
