tonsil cancer....has it come back??

Hi.Very sorry to hear about your partner.What did his doctor say about the depression and drinking? The worst bit is the waiting.Has the dr prescribed him anti depressants? An anti anxiety one would be good.It will help him sleep..better than booze.I hope hes getting this help if not he should I think

Good morning Leeset. I am not sure if I can be of much help here over your partner's depression and drinking - his doctor should be able to council him over that. However, the hardness on his neck where the radiotherapy was targeted could well be due to scar tissue - I had quite a lot of radiation to my neck post-surgery for mouth cancer and it does indeed feel hard to the touch. At each follow-up review my Consultant has never voiced any concerns about it, so it probably is expected - but it doesn't hurt to have any worries you may have about it checked out properly for peace of mind. 

Although my treatment was three years ago I am still experiencing the side-effects from both the surgery and radiotherapy - it's a tough journey and even now I can have down days and depressing moments. So it isn't surprising that your partner is feeling it too, just be there for him with lots of support and encouragement. Wishing you both all the best. Love, Joycee xx 

hey wow your story sounds a bit like mine! i was with my boyfriend for around 8 months when he got diagnosed with bowel cancer.. spread to liver and lung... a year and a half later he just finished up hopefully what will be his last (at least for now) surgery for 3 lung mets... when they did his lung scan a bit of scar tissue or so they think showed up on the other lung.. so i knwo what you mean about the fear of things returning.. its not nice! we are both very depressed atm.. well at least i am but he hides it a lot on puts on a brave face.. i am being honest when i say that when i drink or take strong perscription drugs like sleeping tablets i do feel as if its a quick fix like a band aid.. and it does feel good to forget your troubles in that moment... hope everything works out for you both xo

Hi Leeset

I finished radiotherapy for breast cancer in January 2010 and I still have scar tissue below the skin and a red very sensitive skin.  I had a bit of depression back in February 2010 but got over it with physical exercises (walking, cycling and eventually running).  I still have 'bad days' during which I tend to comfort eat (lots & lots of strong cheese over lovely fresh white bread) in the company of very loud music (with headphones). 

Mind you, like your boyfriend I found that a 'large single malt' helped, but then the hot flushes started and helped me to move away from the bottle.  So you are not alone!  As they say, 'being there, done that'.  Looking back, the biggest help came from my husband - so I suppose that you are doing the right thing by being there for him.  As the others have suggested, seek professional advice but your hand in his would be his best help.  And if you can see that far, when he is cured and able to move on, you will be the happiest couple in the universe (after my husband and myself of course!).

All the very best to both of you

Georgia XXXXXXXX

thanks all.  he said today he has an appointment at the clinic about the neck this  thurs.....but whether he goes is another story. thought we got back on track on sunday....cut the drink right down to non.   then lo and behold he s drunk  today......and i dont understand etc etc.....even tho i ve spent months trying. i can never understand ..but i can empathise with things. yes ....my hand in his might help....but he has to help himself...but yet again im on the recieving end of his nastiness!! well enough is enough. i wont be knocked down again off him. theres so many people fighting for their lives etc.....and he just wont help himself!! know i sound harsh etc but im not...i ve tried...really tried. but cider is his choice at the min...and i aint competing with drink. wish him all the best.....but im not going to be the scapegoat for life again. he needs to look at himself at some point too. cancer hasnt made him drink;...it happened before...just worse this time. but i mite as well talkt o the wall. spent hours and hours of my life helping....well i need to look after me!!! phew. sorry for the rant!!!! xx