Anyone fancy a trip to Eygpt ? Wait no you mean denial don't you ? Sorry bad jokes....
For the past 3 weeks I have been told by lots of well meaning people that I am taking my diagnosis a little too well ...Hmmm just what am I supposed to do ? Crying is something i find personally hard, it's a very private thing for me, and I'm not a person that wants a lot of fuss and attention.
I am I know by and large I am an extrordinary person who leans heavily into uber optismism, so being diagnosed with breast cancer you have two (probably more options) firstly you can sit in a dressing gown and cry ...(never my option but is ok if this is you ) or you can carry on being you . There you go. I am hungry for life, extremely driven and motivated and the human equivalent of a bouncy ball
I find it difficult at times that people struggle with my ability to cope and my reaction and clearly feel the need to justify myself. I feel disappointed that people would think I'm actually not coping and putting on a front to cover me real emotions ? That's like faking an orgasm ....not worth your while as you don't exactly benefit from it lol ..
Sure nobody in their right mind would say,' I fancy a career break , that will involve surgery and chemotherapy and challenge every part of my beliefs vs societies beliefs - oh and strip out real friends from hangers on ' But when you are presented with this diagnosis , my optismistic nature screamed - you've been given an opportunity to change !! You've been given a point to reflect on everything in your life and challenge what isn't making you happy or doesn't fit anymore.
I am absolutely blessed to have this discovered at a relatively early stage and I'm extremely blessed to live in a developed country where treatment is available and free.
Sure I have to face days where I'm not so strong, whilst now I can stand here with both breasts and say up yours I'll still be attractive with 1. Of course i know there will be days where that isn't the case and I will feel vulnerable, fragile and different. But excuse me ...f*ck what society thinks is beautiful in this world where everyone is so concerned about external beauty - my inner beauty is gonna burst through.
I am not my hair too - what does it matter - having no hair society imagines you are 'fighting cancer - thereby brave' or ' a victim / sufferer of a disease - thereby vulnerable' All this negative language and labels and other people's perceptions are more damaging than the disease itself.
So whilst not so close friends either struggle or marvel at my positive outlook, I'm carrying on being me....Cancer is not a death sentence, it's a challenge - I love a challenge. One thing for certain, lots of me will change throughout this journey and people in my life will come and go ...don't they always ??
So for all the people whispering that I am being to strong, in denial and am gonna fall with a bang - becareful what you wish for ...if I DO FALL , aren't you suppose to catch me ?? Oh, really you're not really gonna be there are you, actions speak louder than words , leave me to be happy whilst I am and don't judge me unless you have walked in my shoes ...Don't hate the hater, hate the game
