D Day tomorrow ...ups and downs and wings and roundabouts
Less than one minute read time.
FormerMember
Good news...My downs are ups: in typical British style I've treated myself and bought a pretty new bra from Gilly Hicks. Now I will look all flowery and pert (if the straps behave themselves), for my dishabillier (phonetic) tomorrow..
Swings and roundabouts: Ugh. Tomorrow. No matter what I do, in the back of my mind I am fretting and feeling mildly nauseous. Like a niggling toothache it flares up and whams you back into no man's land. Then I am reminded that nothing good comes of worrying and suck on 'what will be will be' for a while before the next plummet. I am crazy glad on the one hand, that D-Day is nearly here and want to run for the hills on the other..
Off to celebrate daughters x 2 birthdays with uppy boobs and crazy Emo but hair is under control.
FormerMember
I have ALL appendages crossed for tomorrow... please let us know how you get on, but with a good bra on, you're half way there already!
I know that feeling so well, all of us do I think on here. The wishing it would come as you can't bear the waiting but wishing you could run away and put your head in the proverbial sand and never come out.
I always found it a bit of an odd time of the calm before the storm... and a limbo land that can be enjoyed if you can and as you say, nothing comes from worrying except a waste of time as what will be will be and you have had all your tests etc so there is no influencing anything and it is already set, so go and enjoy your kid's birthdays and show off your uppy boobs and you'll fit right in with most daughters with the crazy emos hehe. My hair is never under control, so you are one up on me there....
and just remember, the person you are talking to right now has cancer, has had treatment, has come out the other side, is back working and swimming and going on holidays and having fun and has a sense of humour and unruly hair..... ok I have a few side effects but they can be lived with and I have a fab outlook on life as cancer reminded me that life is right here right now, today and most other stuff is just stuff that doesn't matter... so whichever way it goes tomorrow, remember to live your life with love and laughter and courage and even if it is cancer, it is not the end of the world... it could jjust be a new beginning....
Chin up (along with your boobs) and distract yourself to hell with fun today. It is hard, ver hard but you can do it because we do. xxx
And tonight, I will be sat on the end of your bed chasing the monsters away so you sleep.
You are so encouraging and kind! Thanks. I'm just doing my usual 'weekend..not enough to be distracted by' thing. I did it... Had a lovely day and it's wine o'clock time so will put on pjs, immerse myself in Downton Abbey followed by Homeland, then put myself to bed. I hate waiting (never very patient as it is!), but you are right..the dice is caste so no point thinking about things. If it's the worse case scenario then I will have a fab team behind me and let them do all the hard work. If it's nothing then I will ring the bells and do some leaping' about. It's just that my children have been through so much of cancer in my family (my: mother, uncle and grandmother all died within 3 months and then my aunt two years ago..it has taken us all a long time to recover. My mother left a yawning hole which my aunt filled and then that was lost too) then they've been thro the divorce, his remarriage, new step sister..bla bla, that I will be so angry! Angry, angry..very grrrrr, mutter mutter, scream.. Will put the toys back in the cot now and stop ranting. But I hate hate hated those horrible years. And I don't want them, my father or my brothers, to have to go thro it all again. Me: I really couldn't care less about. Will take you up on your monster chasing offer and thank you enormously for your support. X A.
I had a very similar time with my mum dying and most of my family. I have a brother and an aunt left and I also couldn't bear putting my family and my son through any more too. I think that was what my fear was more than anything. BUT all these things that happen make us stronger and my mum's gift to me was to give me courage to face anything life throws at me and your family also have that courage and it doesn't mean that you will go the same way either! Kids are resiliant and if you are positive and ok they will be too.
Wishing you a good nights sleep and I will be there chasing the monsters away and all the best wishes for tomorrow.
We worry and wonder and speculate but what will be will be and you will deal with it either way. If it is good news be prepared for a little wobbly after shock too... news of this nature messes with your head whether it is good or not so good....
Of course in the nicest possible way, i hope we don't have to speak again except for you telling us its good news and you are out of here :)
Big hugs and deep breath, have a drink and watch Homeland...that is enough to distract anyone!!
Little My xxx
ps I am at school all day tomorrow so won't get on till late to find out your news but will be thinking of you xxx
