Sunday 17/01/10

Hi Marc,

What are you supposed to feel? Exactly as you are feeling that's what! We all deal with this in the way that suits us best, everyone has their own coping mechanisms and they are all very different.

I'm in a similar position to Deb, only mine is in my liver and bones as well as my lungs. I have a young family and have no intention of complying with any statistics.

It is a horrid situation to be in and there are umpteen emotions that might arise and need to be dealt with as and when they do. The only advice (if you can call it that) that I would offer you is to do what's right for both of you. If that means you carry on as normal great, if it means you try and cram what you can into the next year/s then go for it. Do what's right for you two.

Also, keep in mind that life expectancy involves a bit of guess work! It's not written in stone and a number of people prove them wrong. Personally I've taken it as a kick up the bum to get on and do the things I want to, making happy memories for my family and making the most of every day.

Don't beat yourself up, there are no rights and wrongs.

Bad Fairy x

Hi Marc

The situation you find yourself in is impossible. How can anyone know how to behave or feel?

The world doesn't stop, as we all know it should and we can never be certain of getting the support we need from family and friends.

When my son was diagnosed with NHL last April, I remember thinking myself very wise when I told him some of his friends might let him down. They did. I didn't believe any of mine would let me down. I was wrong!

I absolutely agree with Bad Fairy about life expectancy - no one can tell anyone how long they have left.. Two people I love dearly were told they had terminal cancer and given less than a year to live, they both lived more than twice that time.

You know you have to get through this, no amount of ranting or raging will change it, so trust yourself to find the right way for you to deal with it.

You found this place for a start. I wish I'd known it was here when my son was going through his treatment, if I had I might not have ended up being prescribed antidepressants!

My mum had breast cancer which spread to the rest of her body. The hospital wouldn't let her home unless there was someone to care for her full time, so I gave up work and moved in with her. As hard as it may be for you to believe right now, many of my most precious memories of my mum come from that time.

You are likely to see the best and worst of the people around you. Let the ones that are afraid run away and focus on the ones that will support you. You will find a way through.

Faith

I so gree with the earlier comments.  My husband was given six to nine months survival in September 2008, increased possibley to a year if he decided to have chemo.  He took and chemo and stayed positive that he was going to fight the cancer.  Then, when UK medcine could do no more, we heard of a treatment used in Germany.  He took that too, at our own expense.  Last week after the final treatment we heard that the the tumour has shrunk, and he is in remission.  I won't say that Christmas and New Year weren't difficult, but he is still here and still well.  We don't know much longer he has, but we have learnt to take one day at a time and to make sure we make happy of him memories for the immediate family.  Our two daughters and grandchildren have been fantastic in their support.  Other family members and friends less so.  It is sad when people turn away, but I believe that the loss is theirs not ours..  By carying on normally, you are givingyour fiancee a priceless gift. Enjoy your merlot, you  have earned it.

thanks for all that guys. It sounds bad, but it's good to hear i'm not the only one in this situation.