Yes. I'm a bit rubbish. Yes I'm a bit crap. I've been away for far too long. And for that i apologise. I will gracefully accept being whacked about the head with a pillow and stuffed into a tub full of baked beans.
It's been a year folks. A whole year. And in that time I have lost myself, met myself coming back the other way, fallen over my own spirit as its been dragging its arse along behind me. I've suffered total sense of humour failures, humour over load, insomnia, emotional comas. Probably more dramas and crisisis (is that even a word) than I care to acknowledge. But do you know what?
I. Survived. There were MANY points in time when I thought I wouldn't . And times I felt like crawling under a rock and never coming out again. And points at my lowest where I thought it was not worth carrying on.
Bizarrely, it was harder than I thought, losing my dad. Tougher than I imagined. Oh how I longed for a smooth mask of dignity instead of the screwed up, bunched up face I presented to the world. I longed to be holding my head up high and soldiering on, instead of staring out at the world through vacant eyes. But this was a BIG thing. Huge! Vast! And its ok it fried my circuits and overloaded my hard drive. And the fact that its taken me nearly a year to reboot is totally fine too. Because I loved my Dad. And I miss that farting, laughing tool a whole bunch.
The other thing I have realised is that I am now different. People I work with remind me of how I used to be. And part of me is waiting to return to my previous state. But I can't. Because I am now different. And that doesn't mean it's a bad thing. My life took off violently down a path I didn't want it too. And I had no choice but to cling on for dear life whilst being tossed around like a child on a bucking bronco. It is only in the last month that I have started to return to the essence of me. The humour part of me. I've missed that. ALOT.
So. Hello all. I has shiney new car. (It's yellow) which matches my bobble hat, and my iPad case. I has lovely girlfriend to whom I plan to marry in aprox 2016. I has friends who have been supportive throughout the 'wilderness months' and I has sense of humour!
Out walking on Cheviots on Saturday.
GF- argh! (After stepping knee deep into muddy squelchy puddle) oh look at my leg! Me - you look like you've stuck it up a cows arse hen!
Hello me! Xx
