I've found a coping mechanism. It's called not thinking about it. Also known as pretending everything is fine. For some of the time I've even been able to persuade myself that there's nothing up and mum will be fine forever.
In the beginning I wilfully said to myself "OK, this is real. It IS happening". I thought I would get used to it. How do you get used to it? Do you start grieving now? I spent a while panicking about whether it's going to be horrible for mum (not wanting to spell out how it could be horrible - why should someone so special have to suffer?). Will it be quick or slow? It was a kind of resigned acceptance.
I thought that after that you were supposed to move on a stage, but I think I've moved back into denial.
