Life has been running away with A and I lately. We have really gone for the LIVE STRONG approach in the last few months. This is good - what with a new business to concentrate on so that we spend more time doing the things we like, spending time with each other, making wedding plans, catching up with friends ... it's all been a bit of a blur.
This weekend A's daughter is getting married, another milestone, and we are journeying off to the coast for the weekend partying. A is doing well I suppose (very difficult to know exactly how he should be at this stage - the surgeon did say it would take up to six months for him to feel back to "normal", but he hasn't been brilliantly well the last few weeks). I suppose I only notice it because I see him all the time. Just before he got the all clear he had a dodgy tummy for a little while, nothing too worrying but he said it felt a little "delicate". It seemed to get better and then about 10 day ago he got some kind of bug, not really a cold but he was having night sweats and feeling a bit crappy - so we stuffed him full of Lemsips for a couple of days and he has seemed to get better. Except that for the last couple of days he hasn't felt like eating again, and has skipped many meals entirely and picked around at other food. He is back to the "delicate" stomach of several weeks ago. The only meals he has shown any real interest in was a roast dinner yesterday and spaghetti bolognese on Friday night.
I am sure I am over-reacting but this is how it is if you are partner to someone who has, or has had cancer - every single little twinge, or ache or sniffle and you start to worry. Now I do realise that a mere 17 days ago A got the all clear on his CT scan and several weeks before that he had a camera shoved down his stomach and his intestine and got a resounding all clear ..... and they even took a biopsy in the camera test just to be triply sure. This not eating lark though does worry me, as he has already lost over two stone since the op. Still, the Wii says he is at the perfect weight for his height nowadays so maybe I know nothing!
We have had several boughts of him shivering and feeling rubbish - and I hate it. I feel completely useless and am more than aware that my constant "so, how do you feel now?" questions are not helping but find myself quite unable to stop. I am turning into the nagging wife without even being married. ;-) A, of course, will not be told that he is overdoing it, that he should still spend some days at home just resting and that this period of time is still very much counted as recovery from the op. He has agreed to go to the doctor tomorrow though to get check out. I'll let you know what the doc says.
Does this ever go away or are you always waiting for that knock at the door .... the feeling that maybe it's trying to come back? I am sure tomorrow will be a better day - hopefully some reassurance from the doctor that this is just a normal sort of November lurgy will make me feel better.
Night all.
T x
FormerMember
I am actually short for my weight. If I was nine feet six I would be perfect. You both have been through a lot and A has had the most comprehensive medical you can have. That's not to say that it hasn't taken its toll on A's general health. He might think he is superman but he ain't. Resistance will be lower for some time but that's all it is. They don't make a remission statement lightly. Just chill a bit - not back pedal and take things as they come. It will take time.
God what a busy old time you too are having,no wonder A has some crappy days,we all have them(as you well know from my blogs!)
I think once you or someone your close to goes through any serious illness you get a little paranoid and a simple headache can be mistaken for a brain tumour,a cold is obviosly the swine flu and my favourite at the moment is noraml aches and pains is bone cancer! Mad i know but were only human and its a natural reaction after what weve all been through,but by the sounds of it he has had the full service and MOT and has passed for the forseable future anyway,thats the best you can wish for.
I think sometimes the carers do have it hardest (well not the surgery etc) but the worry......Tony drives me fricken mad about swine flu and infections.....I am NOT going to have the jab and thats that!
Oh a wedding, I bet you two will look gorgeous and after your comment of evil stepmother I am imagining you as a cross between Cruella DaVille and the wicked stepmother in Snow White LOL
I think A has done amazingly well considering and lets face it he really doesn't like taking it easy does he - it doesn't come naturally it would appear!
Have a fab weekend and congrats to the "happy couple".
I find myself wondering what every little ache and pain is. Only today I had a 'feeling' in my right side which set me off thinking 'has it gone to my liver?'. I know it's stupid, but just can't help it. I guess that worrying never goes away, but I hope it doesn't completely dominate my life in the future.
Hope that the happy couple have a beautiful day for their wedding, and that the sun gods are looking kindly upon them. We've had so much flaming rain in the past number of days, there can't be much more water left in the clouds to come down!!
