Catching Up - T's Day 102 A.S.

Life has been running away with A and I lately. We have really gone for the LIVE STRONG approach in the last few months. This is good - what with a new business to concentrate on so that we spend more time doing the things we like, spending time with each other, making wedding plans, catching up with friends ... it's all been a bit of a blur.

This weekend A's daughter is getting married, another milestone, and we are journeying off to the coast for the weekend partying. A is doing well I suppose (very difficult to know exactly how he should be at this stage - the surgeon did say it would take up to six months for him to feel back to "normal", but he hasn't been brilliantly well the last few weeks). I suppose I only notice it because I see him all the time. Just before he got the all clear he had a dodgy tummy for a little while, nothing too worrying  but he said it felt a little "delicate". It seemed to get better and then about 10 day ago he got some kind of bug, not really a cold but he was having night sweats and feeling a bit crappy - so we stuffed him full of Lemsips for a couple of days and he has seemed to get better. Except that for the last couple of days he hasn't felt like eating again, and has skipped many meals entirely and picked around at other food. He is back to the "delicate" stomach of several weeks ago. The only meals he has shown any real interest in was a roast dinner yesterday and spaghetti bolognese on Friday night.

I am sure I am over-reacting but this is how it is if you are partner to someone who has, or has had cancer - every single little twinge, or ache or sniffle and you start to worry. Now I do realise that a mere 17 days ago A got the all clear on his CT scan and several weeks before that he had a camera shoved down his stomach and his intestine and got a resounding all clear ..... and they even took a biopsy in the camera test just to be triply sure. This not eating lark though does worry me, as he has already lost over two stone since the op. Still, the Wii says he is at the perfect weight for his height nowadays so maybe I know nothing!

We have had several boughts of him shivering and feeling rubbish - and I hate it. I feel completely useless and am more than aware that my constant "so, how do you feel now?" questions are not helping but find myself quite unable to stop. I am turning into the nagging wife without even being married. ;-) A, of course, will not be told that he is overdoing it, that he should still spend some days at home just resting and that this period of time is still very much counted as recovery from the op. He has agreed to go to the doctor tomorrow though to get check out. I'll let you know what the doc says.

Does this ever go away or are you always waiting for that knock at the door .... the feeling that maybe it's trying to come back? I am sure tomorrow will be a better day - hopefully some reassurance from the doctor that this is just a normal sort of November lurgy will make me feel better.

Night all.

T x