Update from the front line

Hi Terri,

You babble away babes, your head must be all over the place and it is understandable that you feel torn over what is the best thing to do. With luck you can get your training done then get back to your dad. I hope your dads blood pressure comes up soon, dont try and do everything its not possible, just baby steps.

take care love Terri xxx

Thank you, I am just stuck in the middle of what is the best thing to do, I will be glad when I am back in Aberdeen on Wednesday afternoon because then I know I am only minutes away from dad and mum then.  I also know going into work and not sleeping at night is going to tire me out, I guess all this just goes hand in hand.  I am still thinking about how he was when we left him tonight, I just cant seem to get the image out of my head how he looked, he may have always slept like that, I wouldnt know but its chilling.  I finally managed to convince mum to get some help from the GP for herself because she will need it and does need it now just to keep her on a even keel.  There is just so many things to think about trying to be the person who deals with everything.  I have no idea how I am managing to get through all this without breaking down in tears all the time because I feel like it.  I had a moment yesterday when I told my uncle and he told me now was the time to say my goodbyes.  I lost it when I came off the phone from him and then again when I told mum, but when I am with dad I manage to keep it in.  I just feel numb maybe thats why I am getting through this without tears but then on the other hand when the tears start will they stop?  I just feel I have to be the strong one in all this being the only child and I have to be strong for mum and dad.  I just worry about when I have to say goodbye I cannot think about it and I am not ready to say goodbye yet but I know I will never be ready to do that but my hand is being forced by this god awful illness.

We are never ready to say goodbye to the ones we love and we humans seem to have this built in ability to hold it together when we have to, but Terri be kind to yourself babes you are under enormous pressure being the rock for everyone and you need someone to kean on too and thats where we come in, you can lean as heavy as you like on us and we will carry you for as long as you need.

When my husband died suddenly 15 yrs ago I thought I would never stop crying or smile or laugh again, still now there are times when it comes back and bites me but that feeling does subside over time, your work is probably what is keeping you together at the moment, I know when I am at work I can almost not think about having cancer for a few blissful hours but you must not do too much, I am here anytime you need me and feel free to pm me anytime. You and your mum and dad are in my thoughts.

take care love Terri xxx

Terri, just want to say im thinking of you,

and your mum. If you need to talk you

know where i am.

With Love LUCYLEE. XXXX