can't stop the tears

1 minute read time.

FormerMember

31 Oct 2010

Well it,s been 5 weeks since errol passed away and all of a sudden i can't stop the tears, i am sure this is probably normal, i still cannot believe i will never see him again i think it is starting to hit home what has happened,

My dad is also in hospital with suespected lung cancer he is 87 and i am very close to him , i go everyday to see him , there is no one else to go, i feel like i am being punished , it has so many bad memories for me i can see the window from the carpark where errol died, and have to take the same lift,, it always seem to stop on level 3 where i want to get out and go to the room errol passed away,, usually end up in tears in the lift every day

I have a great family and friends i dont want to breakdown in front of my family as i know they are going through the same,,, and my friends are great but talking doesnt help they can't bring him back to me.

I feel so alone and scared , we were always together and i miss him so much and i cant believe i havent seen him for 5 weeks and wont ever again,

FormerMember over 14 years ago

You are doing fine! Stop thinking about your families feelings

You are entitled to let go. Your life has changed totally your family will move on quicker than you, as their lives go on as before.

I am sorry to hear about your dad, you don't deserve this especially so soon/

Is there no one else who can take the load. what about the family whose feelings you care about?

Things will get better!

Good Luck Love Julie XX
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FormerMember over 14 years ago

hold on teresa. this is a bumpy rollercoaster. 15 weeks on for me and forever is too painful to think of. its hard not to think of it i know but try to concentrate on today, everyday. the pain changes with time, it is changing for me already. though it will feel like you cant, you can do this and you will for erol.

be kind to yourself

T
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FormerMember over 14 years ago

Oh Teresa, my heart goes out to you. I also lost my husband, Martin, just over five weeks ago and sometimes it seems like yesterday and sometimes it seems so long ago. He was only diagnosed in April, so I know what you are going through. I believed people with cancer lived for at least a couple of years/ more if they were lucky, did not ever imagine I would lose him so quickly. But that is life Teresa and we can't change it even though we would give the earth to do so. I feel your grief and your utter bewilderment. Why him, why us. But I have been in touch with such wonderful people on this site who have started to get through this and I firmly feel that we will Teresa. We just have to be strong. They wanted to live and could not, we have the chance and must live our lives for them. So hold onto my flippers Teresa and we will keep swimming. We have got to, because we must not drown. And if you are swimming the water will wash away your tears.

Lots of love and hugs

Pam x
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FormerMember over 14 years ago

Thank you so much for your lovely replys i know i am not alone in my grief and it really does help unloading on here , sometimes feels like the outside world can't possibly understand xx thank you all xx
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FormerMember over 14 years ago

Hi Teresa

No words I can really say, just grieve at your own pace and no-one else's.

Hugs Maxine xxx
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