I went up to Warwickshire to see mum this weekend, first time since Tuesday and in that time she has been moved back onto the "normal" Ward 43, rather than Step Down. It's still a pretty high dependency unit, but she has a TV again and it's a lot more relaxed for her.
A bit of an odd couple of visits. On Saturday when I first arrived, she looked like a frail little old lady sat in the chair. Not something I had ever imagined for her because she's such a bright outgoing person. She still had a catheter on, and this was making her feel fed up, and they wouldn't let her go to the loo without a nurse and a chair. She's finding this level of dependence really difficult.
Colin left a bit early, so I had a good period of time with her chatting, and laughing about her hallucinations. She told me all about the party she was planning to get all her friends together. She had decided pre-illness to make 2013 the year of friends and family and make more of an effort to see people. This illness has catalysed that process and changed it slightly, but she wants to book out a restaurant and get everyone together to thank them for their support. It will be a restaurant called Oscars, so she's planning her Oscars party!! All in all, although she looked v tired, it was a happy visit and I came back feeling quite positive.
I spent the evening with Rachel and Adam which was lovely and mum phoned Adam this morning (Sunday) and sounded pretty bright. She'd had her catheter removed and had a much better night's sleep which was really pleasing.
Went to see her this afternoon and it was a bit busy again because Bill H wanted to see her, Colin was there and with me, Adam and Rachel, I could see it being a bit much. Rachel and I headed down to the shop to fetch her some more supplies and create some space.
Later, Bill left, then Adam and Rachel and not long after, Colin, so again, I got some one on one time. She looked much brighter than yesterday and was in proper pyjamas instead of a nightie. She was chomping her way through the Revels Adam had bought for her and was pleased with the Kindle Fire we got her for mother's day though we couldn't do much with it as it needs setting up at home. Colin has been set the challenge!
We talked about the new motorhome Colin has ordered and the fact that she will ensure that she has nursing care in place for when she does get home so that Colin doesn't feel worried or stressed. She talked about the party again, so there was a bit of repeating herself, but that happened before the op, so not really a big issue.
She wanted to go to the loo and I asked the nurse if I could take her. She said it was fine and mum walked from her bed to the bathroom with my arm for support and was fine. That's a big step in the right direction so her mobility is definitely improving. The only issue which bothers me at the moment is a slight cognitive problem which they have identified relating to her short term memory. I saw a good example of it when she came out of the bathroom as she was confused about which bed was hers. She headed for the first empty bed she saw, but then I nudged her and she realised her mistake.
She also struggled with her mother's day card and was holding it upside down for quite a while and didn't seem quite with it when we first got there.
The nurses have said to expect this a bit, and they are monitoring it. Hopefully its just a short term thing, perhaps related to inflammation/blood at the site of the operation.
I'm feeling quite drained this evening, it's a bit intense seeing mum and talking about her all weekend and then coming home to an empty house, apart from the cat who was very pleased to see me!). I have this sense that mum isn't the same person as she once was, and find it very difficult to see her so vulnerable. She hasn't go the "go getting" attitude that she once had and though she is fiercely determined to fight this, she's been put off doing things with any level of risk such as skiing. She's worried about me going out on the bike so I'm trying to provide reassurances about that - confessed that I'm a bit of a wimp and if in doubt will get off and push!
I think it's inevitable that her attitude will change and in many ways, its for the better. She's determined to take it more easy and enjoy her retirement, but it will take a little time to get used to, and having the change forced upon us by her illness makes it a bit difficult to adapt to at times.
All things considered, she's in a good place, doing very well and hopefully will be able to go home soon, but it's been quite an intense weekend, and I had hoped to come home feeling a bit brighter, but I guess we've got plenty of ups and downs ahead of us.
All of us have a great support network around us, but sometimes, it's really helpful to share things on here, and get it out of my system without burdening anyone else, because we're all having a challenging journey. This blog is my way of recording what's happening, but also a bit of an outlet for me, so good therapy!
Here's to a positive week for all.
x
