So, again, it's been a while, but there haven't been any dramas which is good news and things are just bimbling along.
Mum's physical health seems to be doing as well as can be expected. She still has issues with her eyes not functioning properly which makes her quite tired and she still feels the tiredness, but she's up and about, has a good appetite (steroids!) and generally quite positive.
I went up for her birthday weekend and spent the whole weekend there. We went out for the day on Saturday, had our nails done and then did some shopping. She's slow walking around, and gets tired, but we were out the whole day and she still managed the evening when everyone came up for a lovely dinner at the pub, so I was really pleased.
It was nice to get her out of the house, and, with the best will in the world, away from Colin for a bit. She seemed to relax and enjoy herself and I tried not to be too overprotective with her, letting her do her own thing. Colin also seemed far more relaxed when we got home, having had some time to himself.
I think that this is the biggest issue to deal with at the moment. Mum seems to be in a good routine with her chemo treatment and like I say, no big physical dramas. The toll on their relationship is evident though. Colin has a tight hold on the situation and feels like he can't let go. I suggested him going away fishing/shooting for one night and he said he couldn't, even if I was to stay with mum. I'll keep mentioning it though, he might eventually give in when he realises it'll be OK.
The issue is that he won't leave her to do anything, constantly watches her when she cooks, worries when she naps, etc and she feels like he doesn't trust her. Every time she wants to do something like go for a walk, or have a riding lesson, or go shopping, he is quite negative - "I don't think that's a good idea" seems to be his phrase du jour at the moment.
It's hard because I can understand why he behaves like he does, but she's a very independent minded individual and his negativity can bring her down sometimes. I ended up having a heart to hear with her and him (individually) on the Friday night of the weekend. I'm glad they happened because they both opened up a bit, and hopefully won't feel like they have to protect me (and Adam) all the time.
We've had some very frank discussions about her funeral, will etc, so we're not afraid to talk about these things.
Hopefully with a bit of encouragement, Colin will relax a bit and maybe take a break because he's so stressed out there's a lot of tension around which doesn't help either of them.
I felt OK when I came home on the Sunday, but have felt emotionally drained since then, it's all just a bit much sometimes.
I still feel like the old mum is in there somewhere and glimpses pop out occasionally, but this horrid disease has changed her because every day is a battle for her and some days are better than others, but never a day off from it.
This is such a hard thing to go through from so many aspects and I don't think anyone really understands it until they go through it themselves, and it's not something I would ever wish on anyone.
