Distraught........

Tabitha,

You can honor your friend in your own way.  Because you don't "attend" a celebration of her life with family and friends does not mean you are being disrespectful or selfish.  Your own health is paramount and your friend would want you to know that.  

Give your 16 year old something she can say when asked about where you are so that she isn't in an awkward position.  That is your role as a parent and she can represent you and your family at this "event".  

Friends who know you will understand.  People who don't understand are not your friends anyway.

Its VITAL that when ill you do everything that keeps you balanced, calm, and moving forward in your fight to be well.  I did not tell my husband when someone we knew died of the same disease or when a dear friend of ours died while he was getting treatment.  I couldn't afford for him to be distressed in anyway.

One definition of responsibility is the ability to "withhold".  In this case it would be responsible for you to withhold yourself from going to something that in truth, you cannot emotionally fully participate in.

Best,

Lori

thank you Lori

I have been feeling so bad about my decision but you have to do whatever you feel is right to get you through - i just feel so guilty....

Tabitha x

Hi Tabitha,

You have nothing to feel guilty about. 5yrs ago my Brother died of Cancer,and when I asked my consultant if I could go to his funeral in Ireland,I was told in no uncertain words. That if I went to the funeral it could set me back mentally 5yrs after all the struggle, I had to come to terms with my own Cancers. So the Day of the funeral I sat out in the garden and remembered the good times we had as kids. I hope this will be of somehelp.

Take care and be safe Big Hugs Love Sarsfield.xxx

Just because you can't go to the funeral doesn't mean you don't care so don't feel guilty.  Your friend's spirit will always be in your heart and she would understand what you have gone through and why you can't be there.

You need to take care of yourself and you can remember your friend without attending the funeral.  You can always go quietly to her last resting place on your own and pay tribute to your friendship by leaving flowers or simply thinking about her.

Concentrate on getting well Tabitha.  

Take care

Love and *hugs*

Marjorie x x x x x

Leigh's family will understand,you have been through a lot!  

Phone them or send a card,on the day of her Funeral, light a wee Candle,say a wee prayer or just do your own thing,please don't beat yourself up by feeling guilty!

My mum's best friend of almost 50 years died and like yourself,due to Health problems,mum could not face going to her funeral,her friends family were fine,they understood!

Best Wishes, Alison.x