I keep being told that I should have reached my "new normal" by now. But here's the thing, no one can tell me what a new normal should look or feel like and if it feels like this then I'm not keeping it! Call me a conspiracy theorist if you want but I am beginning to wonder if this talk of a "new normal" is just something that is said to keep people like me hoping for something better to come round the corner or maybe I am just a bit to black and white in my thinking and have misunderstood what all these kind folk are really saying, I don't know. What I do know is how I feel cannot be normal and this cannot be where I stick in the getting better stakes! Now don't get me wrong here, I am not ungrateful for all the life preserving things I have received and the four major surgeries in four years have been vital and I will keep going with the drugs and their side effects because life is so much more important than a few side effects but why do I feel I have to say all that just to preface the fact that I want more out of life than what feels like permanent fatigue let alone the other stuff. No this is not normal and there must be ways to move forward, put up and shut up may be one of course but I will not be beaten. I will see each day as a new normal and look for each new normal to be different from the last.
