Anger at the Ignorance of Others

2 minute read time.

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The other night, a couple of dear friends who were doctors invited my husband and me over for dinner after which we hung out to catch up on the latest with each other.  The wife started making small talk, asking about what’s been keeping us busy and I told her that we find ourselves living in limbo from one chemo session to the next. To this I could see her incredulous look. She continued to ask what my son's been doing and I said he’s at home if he's not in the hospital.  She couldn’t imagine that he stayed pretty much at home day in and day out pounding keys on the laptop, going out only for blood tests or occasionally with friends until it was time to check into the hospital for chemo.  Finally, when she couldn't contain herself, she made a remark about how it seems that our world has stopped and all our focus is on our son.

 

I felt the anger rising inside me as she minimized what we were going through and seemed to be flippant about it.  She couldn’t fully grasp how cancer and its treatment affects daily living.  Now, I can better understand the term living with cancer.  It’s isn’t about living with the disease but in our case, with the demands of it’s treatment.

 

We don’t coast from one chemo session to the next, marking it on our calendar like a fieldtrip or outing to look forward to.  In between sessions is this constant vigilance to see if blood counts are up or down at they should be and making sure my son has his daily medications including epo shots,stays hydrated, eats right, stays away from raw food, avoids the threat of infection, and in the midst of all these, to try to live a normal life and to find joy in each day with all its limitations.  

 

While I was talking to her, I couldn't help but think that she would never understand what we're going through and I'm grateful for this site where members understand and know where I'm coming from.

 

Anonymous
  • FormerMember
    FormerMember

    I have read these posts and agree with everyone,  I went recently for an updated sick note at my GP, I had not met this GP before but after I explained my situation she looked at me asked if I had  husband and kids (yes and yes to both), she then looked at me and said "I dont know why I do this job sometimes it makes me so sad" I replied hey ho I could be run over by a bus tomorrow.  I know I am only 37 and have probably not much time left but really if the GP has given up on me at first glance I may as well give up now.  Given my humour I did not let the comment bother me but I do wonder sometimes what people are thinking.

    Fight the good fight people

    Love and strength

    Helen

  • FormerMember
    FormerMember

    All the things mentioned above are the reasons I cling to this site. I know we are all 'cyber friends' but we care, support and look out for each other.  People who havent had cancer are a million miles away from understanding us and the anguish our families are put thru'. You can always depend on the pals you make on this site, they are like gold.

    Love and understanding, Bill xxx

  • FormerMember
    FormerMember

    I don't get angry.  I see it as they just haven't had to deal with such things in their life - yet.  I say yet, because most of us have learned that many people are affected by cancer in some way in their life, beyond I have a friend of a friend so to speak.  How can we expect those who haven't "been there" to really understand, unless they work in the field?  I'd like to think that I understood BC hit my life so personally, but I suspect I probably didn't and I know I didn't fully grasp how it takes over your life and in the way that it does until I went through it with my mother and then later, now, with my husband.  Surprisingly they are both very different experiences.  My mother was terminal so we didn't try to save her life.  My husband, we have fought like crazy to save him.  The commitment and viewpoint are quite different.  But as the caregiver for both, I'm consumed and exhausted at times.

    Having said all of that, I too, am grateful for this site.  Quite frankly, I'm not interested in my friends becoming consumed with what is going on in our life with cancer. I keep a caring bridge website that keeps everyone up to date and informed. I actually count on them to help me get away from it.  I come here where I learn and can spend time with those who do understand.  Its just a more efficient use of my time and emotion.

    When I have some who make statements or ask questions like those posed by your friends, I simply educate them in my upbeat way on how it is.  But I know that they won't fully grasp it unless they experience it, and I hope that they don't.  

    Lori