Anger at the Ignorance of Others

2 minute read time.

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The other night, a couple of dear friends who were doctors invited my husband and me over for dinner after which we hung out to catch up on the latest with each other.  The wife started making small talk, asking about what’s been keeping us busy and I told her that we find ourselves living in limbo from one chemo session to the next. To this I could see her incredulous look. She continued to ask what my son's been doing and I said he’s at home if he's not in the hospital.  She couldn’t imagine that he stayed pretty much at home day in and day out pounding keys on the laptop, going out only for blood tests or occasionally with friends until it was time to check into the hospital for chemo.  Finally, when she couldn't contain herself, she made a remark about how it seems that our world has stopped and all our focus is on our son.

 

I felt the anger rising inside me as she minimized what we were going through and seemed to be flippant about it.  She couldn’t fully grasp how cancer and its treatment affects daily living.  Now, I can better understand the term living with cancer.  It’s isn’t about living with the disease but in our case, with the demands of it’s treatment.

 

We don’t coast from one chemo session to the next, marking it on our calendar like a fieldtrip or outing to look forward to.  In between sessions is this constant vigilance to see if blood counts are up or down at they should be and making sure my son has his daily medications including epo shots,stays hydrated, eats right, stays away from raw food, avoids the threat of infection, and in the midst of all these, to try to live a normal life and to find joy in each day with all its limitations.  

 

While I was talking to her, I couldn't help but think that she would never understand what we're going through and I'm grateful for this site where members understand and know where I'm coming from.

 

Anonymous
  • FormerMember
    FormerMember

    Well said, I think people forget or perhaps never even know in the first place 1) how cancer affects carers

    2) how different chemo and different cancer actually affect the patient. My partner has leukaemia and usually spendt 4-6 weeks in isolation in hospital before being allowed home for a weeks respite. In that week we are not allowed to go to any busy place ie cinema, out for a meal. we can go for a walk . However you  need to be physically fit for that and he isnt so we are stuck at home unless someone takes us our for a drive somewhere (he can't drive due to his meds.

    Colleagues at work think this is ridiculous as we have cancer patients in every day (I work in the surgery) and they think I am being over proctective of him. Who knows perhaps I am but while he is waiting for a bone marrow transplant I for one am taking no chances

    Love to you and your son

    Love Teri

  • FormerMember
    FormerMember

    Thank you so much for your swift reply and validation, Teri.  I'll be bringing this with me as we leave this minute for my son's 17th chemo and last in-patient session at that.  

    There is nothing like the warm feeling of being loved and understood.

    Love to you and your husband,

    Rachel

  • FormerMember
    FormerMember

    I used to get so annoyed with people's thoughtless comments but now realise its often through their own fear and lack of understanding.  Like the shop assistant in the chemist shop who told me she doesn't know how I manage to get out of bed everyday now I have the cancer!  Hmmmm, i had to bite my tongue on that one.

    Chin up and take a large pinch of salt, you keep doing exactly what you need to and we are all here to support you x

  • FormerMember
    FormerMember

    problem is i dont think anyone realises what having cancer is like unless they get it or have a loved one who has it....i sure didnt realise myself till i got NHL, infact id never even heard of non hodgkins lymphoma follicular stage 4..so maybe thats why outsiders dont allways realise what its like...

  • FormerMember
    FormerMember

    Hi Rachel,

    Unfortunately there are some insensitive people around who, through their own ignorance, rush to criticise what others do.

    Some do by saying you are doing too much and losing yourself, others by saying you are not doing enough.

    However hurtful these comments are, you know you are doing absolutely right things for your son just as every other cancer carers do.

    Hope your son's treatment continues to go well.

    Lots of hugs,

    Naoko x