Anger at the Ignorance of Others

2 minute read time.

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The other night, a couple of dear friends who were doctors invited my husband and me over for dinner after which we hung out to catch up on the latest with each other.  The wife started making small talk, asking about what’s been keeping us busy and I told her that we find ourselves living in limbo from one chemo session to the next. To this I could see her incredulous look. She continued to ask what my son's been doing and I said he’s at home if he's not in the hospital.  She couldn’t imagine that he stayed pretty much at home day in and day out pounding keys on the laptop, going out only for blood tests or occasionally with friends until it was time to check into the hospital for chemo.  Finally, when she couldn't contain herself, she made a remark about how it seems that our world has stopped and all our focus is on our son.

 

I felt the anger rising inside me as she minimized what we were going through and seemed to be flippant about it.  She couldn’t fully grasp how cancer and its treatment affects daily living.  Now, I can better understand the term living with cancer.  It’s isn’t about living with the disease but in our case, with the demands of it’s treatment.

 

We don’t coast from one chemo session to the next, marking it on our calendar like a fieldtrip or outing to look forward to.  In between sessions is this constant vigilance to see if blood counts are up or down at they should be and making sure my son has his daily medications including epo shots,stays hydrated, eats right, stays away from raw food, avoids the threat of infection, and in the midst of all these, to try to live a normal life and to find joy in each day with all its limitations.  

 

While I was talking to her, I couldn't help but think that she would never understand what we're going through and I'm grateful for this site where members understand and know where I'm coming from.

 

Anonymous
  • FormerMember
    FormerMember

    Rachel, Can I be nosy and ask if this person you were talking to was a Dr or was it their partner who was the Dr.

    Teri

  • FormerMember
    FormerMember

    The one thing I have found out since being involved with cancer services is that every cancer is different. There are some people who turn up for chemo and are up and about afterwards, and others who have treatment that goes on daily for 12 months, and feel like nothing on earth for the entire duration.

    We're all different, and that's what makes life so interesting.

    John

  • FormerMember
    FormerMember

    Hi Rachel - Words trip so easily out of other people's mouths, don't they?

    No-one would ever be able to understand the full extent of going through cancer and chemo unless they'd had first hand experience of it. We just live the best we can whilst it's going on, nothing more, nothing less.

    I would have been angry too, as I HATE it when people try and tell me how THEY  would handle it!

    Hope things are going ok?

    Jeanie xx

  • FormerMember
    FormerMember

    I had no idea what those with cancer and their carers went through before I had cancer myself (NHL).  As has already been said I think that those without experience of it just don't understand the impact it has.

    I think it is really hard on carers, when I was going through treatment all my energies went on just getting through it.  Now grandma has lung cancer (don't know what type yet) and I am sat by the hospital bed instead of in it I appreciate what those looking after me went through.

  • FormerMember
    FormerMember

    Ignorance.  Next time something like that happens to me I am going to use the moment to EDUCATE them... xx