Chemo has a cycle. I have the chemo, feel generally ok for a few days (ignoring feeling queasy all the time), then tiredness, exhaustion, aches and everything else kicks in. Eventually it all clears and I have about a week of feeling normal, before it starts again. This is what we were told to expect and human brains are amazing at blocking out the bad memories and trying to fool us into ‘it’s ok really’. The dip for cycle 2 was longer and lower than cycle 1, but after about 4 days I was back at work and trying to catch up with everything.
Chemo 3 was on Monday, again I was phoned to delay it by a few hours. As it turned out the delay was only about an hour which was better. They nearly sent me home with only a third of the drugs though so I wasn’t very happy. The rest of the week has been really busy, trying to get ahead and just get things done in anticipation of Christmas but also knowing I am going to feel rubbish for a while.
The exhaustion has now kicked in after going downhill yesterday afternoon. I ache, cannot concentrate, I’m hot, then cold, tired, but not enough to sleep. The physical symptoms bring emotional and mental struggles too. I am usually doing things and struggle to have to let others look after me, however I don’t get a choice which makes the whole thing worse. I am fortunate though to have family and friends to look after and support me and get me through the lows.
So, I’m trying to look forward to tomorrow and appreciate those around me and focus on what we can do this Christmas. After COVID Christmas 2020 and ‘can we, can’t we?’ Christmas last year, at least we know what we are allowed to to this year. We can get together with others, we can celebrate the health that we have (however good or poor that may be) and we can remember why we are celebrating Christmas anyway.
