I don't want loads of fuss, quite the reverse, but I don't want to be shouted at either, when I say something he obviously doesn't like. For instance, being kept up to date on financial things, and being able to read whatever it is he has put in an envelope to the bank, and sellotaped down! We have been married for almost 62 years, so I know him really well. I am probably feeling ultra sensitive at the moment, 10 days in from surgery, lobectomy, middle section of right lung. I guess I am emotionally upset too. The ensuing conversation I had after this little secrecy thing was, to say the least, completely unproductive, and quite frankly, a waste of time. He sits and watches television all day, every day, takes up the whole sofa and has his 'stuff' all around him. I sit in the bedroom. He doesn't offer to help with anything to do with housework or getting meals. He will sometimes go out and eat, but isn't particularly interested in whether or not I feel like eating. The total selfishness is breathtaking. To be fair, he has always been like this, and I have allowed it to happen. But suddenly, now, my mind has shifted. Perhaps I need counselling? I am quite shocked at what I have just been through. I am 80 years old, and have always been in pretty good health. I don't know how much longer I have now. I have yet to receive the post op appointment, where I should be told of the surgeon's findings. Or maybe I am just depressed. I really don't know. What I do know is that today I am very upset. I feel really alone with this.
