So this is how it is.......

1 minute read time.

FormerMember

14 Jun 2012

Where do I begin?

My lovely man finally found his rest and truly deserved peace. And I don't know how I will ever make sense of all this, or if I will ever begin to forget the awful awful nights.

I never saw it coming, though I 'knew.' He waited till I'd left the room. Death is never how you expect and I have seen a few deaths now. As someone said today, Well, you are an orphan and a widow in the space of a year.

I cannot begin to comprehend the aggression of my loved one's cancer. What the hell was that disease? Where did it come from? How did it get there? WHY was it there? Why? Why? Why?

And now I know my David will not come back. And I just don't know what the rest of life is about and if it is worth having. And people write the most amazing emails about my man and I cry. Jesus, I cry and cry and the tears cannot wash away the pain. Will they ever? My GP rang and was so kind and said how much everyone will miss David. Could he do anything for me? I asked him to cut my head off, but he said he wasn't allowed. Shame.

I know I will get through this but I don't know how. Just now, the rain rains and rains and rains. And please tell me, what was all that about? What did it mean?

I\d better stop.

Very very very Little Jen

FormerMember over 12 years ago

You are not alone. Not ever. Us Little People are standing very very very tall around you and breathing those 3 breaths for you.

No words my lovely, just the biggest hug to you that never stops...

Little My who is big enough tonight for you too...

xxx

Go well, David. Safe Journey...
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FormerMember over 12 years ago

Dear Little Jen

I am so sad to hear this news. As you know I do know some of what you are going through right now, but it is different for all of us. You really have been an amazing strong support for your David , you know that. It may feel like as though you are walking through a thick fog right now, not knowing where to turn, or what to think, but it will get better in time. There are so many things you have to do, but first get some rest, and put off what you dont have to do straight away. You have been so strong already, but you will get even more strength to help you through the next few days and weeks, believe me, we dont think we will , but we do.

Rest in peace David.

With much Respect to a warm loving human being in her hour of need.

Respect

xxxx
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FormerMember over 12 years ago

Jen, I am so, so sorry. I don't have enough words to tell you how much I wish that things could be different, and that all this had never happened. I can only send you my love and support, and hope that you can find some comfort in your memories. You and David should have had many years' worth more.

My love to you, and to David's memory,

- Hilary
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FormerMember over 12 years ago

Dear Little Jen,

I am so very,very sorry for your loss. What a devastating blow.

I offer you my hand to hold and my arms to wrap you up in.

with love, minima x x x
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FormerMember over 12 years ago

Never so little Jen,

Im sending ALL my love and strength your way. Its such a horrible time for you, words cant express what i feel and i fear wouldnt do much good. I know i was sick of hearing 'times a healer' and such like when my amazing gran passed last year. Unfortunetly its something personal we have to process. All i can say is macland is full of great listeners and has a room for every emotion that will pop up.

We are here, let the rain fall, the anger out. Understanding this awful loathsome thing is something most of us never get to do, we just throw all the vicious weapons we can find at it and hope it remembers its battle scars and stays away from our other loved ones.

Its not fair and its not right and words will never encompass what your going thru but just letting you know, im here if you need someone to listen.

We cant do as much as we would all want to do for you, but armed and ready we stand, awaiting orders for what our warrior woman needs. We stand tall for our Jen!

Always here, holding you up, whether im sleeping or not (got a wee army inside that keep the body ticking over when i need a rest and they will send me to your side when you call out here)

Hugest of hugs, love and strength.

<3 <3 <3 & xxxxx
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