The smear wasn't supposed to turn out like this...

It's a lump. Not the internal tear I thought it was. I just thought that because I'm a small girl, and my boyfriend is a 'big boy', if you know what I mean, ;-) I thought THAT was the reason for the bleeding during intimacy. I actually expected my GP to find the tampon she initially thought was stuck up there... despite my not having used tampons in years... Life Laundry is overrated. I just hit 30, and felt the need to be a 'proper grown up'. I'd already quit the fun little pocket money job I loved, in favour of a 'proper job' - a telesles role in a big energy company. I now had to commute, wear a suit (school uniform, as I call it) and generally not act like the 18 year old I still think I am. My healthy eating/regular excercise plan was all going well... My recipe repertoire was getting quite accomplished... The tomato, chilli and herb plants were flourishing... My brother was about to move out of the flat I share with my partner, so our Love Nest was getting nicely feathered... All was going swimmingly and according to plan... Then... Next on the Laundry hit list was the small issue of the constant bleeding I've had for a few months now. Yes, I know I'm a bad girl - I'd never been for a smear before. I'm quite a tomboy, and have denied the girlie bits inside me need looking over once in a while. I didn't want the embarassment, the awkwardness, the inconvenience... I genuinely didn't think it was going to be cancer. In fact, I categorically dismissed it when my partner, in tears before my appointment, mentioned it as a possible outcome. Cancer is something that happens to other people, something you hear about in the media, maybe someone you know knows someone who went through it, etc etc. Yeah... right... Like I said, I was convinced I'd torn something. I thought I'd faced my 'worst case scenario' - a hysterectomy or infertility. We don't want children, so I thought I was prepared for the worst. Trust me, I'm not belittling the implications these have for other patients, but they didn't seem all that terrible for us as a couple. Then Life had something to say on the matter.