Why the dark thoughts??

1 minute read time.

FormerMember

30 Jan 2010

Hello...hope everyones well. I finished my chemo on 18th december n had post treatment CT scan on new years eve...i get the results of that on monday.

It was a relief to finish chemo...i felt like i'd got my life back...n it would all be over soon n i cud get back to some kind of normality...even started to plan my return to work with the ward manager. Ive been really positive throughout my surgery n treatment...people have been amazed at how calm n upbeat ive been...i even surprised myself...so why...as it gets closer to my results day am i feeling scared n uncertain?..im getting aches n pains in my tummy that i havent had during all the time since diagnosis...are they real or imaginary?..im on the edge of tears most of the time...thinking really dark thoughts...its still there...im going to have to go through it all again. I dont know where these thoughts have come from...but theyre going through my head all the time...n especially at night.

Ive not told anyone else about them...it will be our secret eh....lol...i dont want them to think im being a mardy...its hard though....is it normal to feel like this.?..just when im hopefully coming to the end of everything...n i should be feeling the most positive...im dreading monday when just a cpl of weeks ago i was looking forward to it as the day ive waited for for 9months...the all clear day.

Sorry for waffling...but strangely i feel a bit better just sharing it with you.

Take care n God bless....love Sharon xxx

FormerMember over 15 years ago

Hi Sharon

Your secret is safe with me!

In answer to your question - quite normal, in fact VERY normal, in fact God Yeah!

Every twinge, every winge, every cough, every sneeze, every ache, every pain, every lump, every bump - I panic (quietly going mad in the corner) especially when you are waiting for results, in fact even after I get the results "what if they've missed something"!

These thoughts and feelings will ease with time, honestly.

I have found that listening to Radio 7 in bed helps me relax and stop worrying and gets me off to sleep, because i listen to the show rather then thinking too much!

Try and relax and I hope all is well with your results on Monday.

Take care

Jo
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FormerMember over 15 years ago

Hi Sharon

It is very normal to feel like this before you go and get the results. I have been told my canceer has gone but I still get nervous every time I have to get a check, it is only human nature for us all to worry.

I hope your results are good on Monday, let us know how you get on.

Take care Carol XX
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FormerMember over 15 years ago

hi sharon, i'v had two out of eight chemo session's i feel like that now, i think how your feeling is normal, all the best for monday ,jon devine jnr.
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FormerMember over 15 years ago

I was in the same situation myself in March of last year and the waiting drove me crazy and also wondering if the treatment hard worked etc. 10 months in remission and my stomach still churns when I have a check up. I think to worry is normal for us and if we didn't worry, we would worry because we are not worrying!!!!!! Good luck for Monday chic.....love Carol x
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FormerMember over 15 years ago

Thank you all for taking the time to reply to my blog. Its good to know that these thoughts are normal. Ive waited for results before....biospsy...surgery etc...but ive never been as nervous about them as i am now. Maybe im worried that after all the chemo n stuff im worried that its not worked...i dont know....my head is like mashed potato at the moment...lol. Ive got a bottle of champagne in the fridge that i got for christmas...i sed then that i was saving it for results day.... thats how positive i was then....but as it draws nearer my confidence is getting lower...but hopefully on monday i'l be cracking it open n getting squiffy on it...lol...thank you again for all ur lovely replies n encouragement....take care n i'l let u know how it goes...love n hugs to you all....Sharon xxx
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