Hello...hope everyones well. I finished my chemo on 18th december n had post treatment CT scan on new years eve...i get the results of that on monday.
It was a relief to finish chemo...i felt like i'd got my life back...n it would all be over soon n i cud get back to some kind of normality...even started to plan my return to work with the ward manager. Ive been really positive throughout my surgery n treatment...people have been amazed at how calm n upbeat ive been...i even surprised myself...so why...as it gets closer to my results day am i feeling scared n uncertain?..im getting aches n pains in my tummy that i havent had during all the time since diagnosis...are they real or imaginary?..im on the edge of tears most of the time...thinking really dark thoughts...its still there...im going to have to go through it all again. I dont know where these thoughts have come from...but theyre going through my head all the time...n especially at night.
Ive not told anyone else about them...it will be our secret eh....lol...i dont want them to think im being a mardy...its hard though....is it normal to feel like this.?..just when im hopefully coming to the end of everything...n i should be feeling the most positive...im dreading monday when just a cpl of weeks ago i was looking forward to it as the day ive waited for for 9months...the all clear day.
Sorry for waffling...but strangely i feel a bit better just sharing it with you.
Take care n God bless....love Sharon xxx
